| Chapter 02
The mystical realm of Neptali
The subtle manifestation would eventually grow into full-blown delirium as I sat
erect on the edge of my bed, waiting for the room to clear while listening to the
tone of barely audible voices begin a formal conversation in the empty room next
to mine. Encaptivated by the linguistic suggestion of words in prose, I felt an
intense longing within my spirit. Sounding to be in their mid-twenties or early
thirties, I could surmise they were either literary students or teachers.
So articulate and gentle were their words that I thought they might very well
be lovers. The susurrant sighs and whispers turned into moans and kisses,
indicating what I had first appeared to believe was true. Soon, an altercation
developed between them over something as insignificant as a pen, and
without warning, this small quarrel escalated into a full-fledged brawl.
The intonations were so pronounced, I feared Mother would
come rushing into my room hurling accusations and empty
threats designed to intimidate and convict before scampering
away in haste to make an unnecessary phone call.
The room then became deathly quiet.
As a resonating chamber would resound in tunes distinct, so did these vocal tones
emanate in range charged with fury. The pulling of hair and the shoving fueled
so much contention that the sound of brute slaps could be heard. A table lamp
fell crashing to the hardwood floor... If I tried to listen, they would stop.
Then a mild repose quieted the bickering, and the argument ceased.
Without any warning, the bathroom door slid from one side of its wooden frame
to the other. Then back again. The shower turned on, and I could now hear the
distinction between reality and a delusional mind locked in paranoid mode.
Immediately, I stepped into the hallway and gently pulled open the old folding door to
the adjacent spare room. Of course, there was nothing in there… It was all in my head.
While the orchestration of time formulated new theories, a contingency plan was
being woven. Layered in vibrant colors, I ran my hands over the smooth bed sheets.
My abstract world was becoming increasingly strange. It was here where I felt as
though I were breathing in one lung and out the other at the same time while my
heart pounded within a celestial cage of protoplasm and bone. Like a statue I sat,
unable to move. Frozen in time by worry.
I began to fidget like an autistic child who was abruptly removed from his rocking
chair, and came to the undeniable conclusion that I had smoked too much, too soon.
Nothing could be worse than that feeling of over intoxication. The terrible sensation
of my legs falling away and my body drifting helplessly into space. My entire soul
was now affected and undulating. Like a stone cast into a still pond, I could feel
my very spirit rippling as it disengaged from the housing of its weary temple.
Jarvis Street Revue - Sally's hymn
Pg 6
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The gasping cries of sadness were those of utter sorrow in a room where fact and fiction
overflow. Where everything relevant pulls apart, and the consortium of anguish grows. An
affliction of time and balance imprisoning one's own free will, shall utterly incapacitate the
mind by striking the defenses of reason. A margin of error, equivalent to the summary of
fact shall be duly noted for the movements which have no shadow are illusion-based.
There is a separation of time. . .
Their words would become as distinct as the empty mollusk housing that, when placed
over an ear, seems to replicate the sound of an ocean from where it came. Frequencies
tuned to a channel, not of this earthly realm, fade away. The shallow voices of feminine
distinction produced by my imagination were now inaudible and the time of resolve had
come. I can now almost hear a slow rearranging of furniture being pulled back and forth
across the dull and dusty timeworn floorboards of that vacant and lonely spare room; until,
at last, the meek sound of whimpering is comforted by an amiable and loving embrace.
As the shower curtain was pulled back, the shadows of time dissolved
into a shell of inner peace, comforting my thoughts where I lay still,
blanketed, and trembling under the covers of my soothing bed; a
remedy for the ailment which had now begun to plague me.
Icy on the inside and feverish on the outside,
I shuddered in a harrowing state of over-induced stupor.
Wasn't that always the case when I got just a little too high?
A sigh of relief came when the morning yawned deeply, summoning the clouds
of resinous smoke in a semi-circular motion up into the atmosphere and away
from my room. Beneath the covers, it was as dark as a closed coffin, and so
my mind showed me what my eyes could not see.
Indiscernible notions eclipsed my fictitious room,
where the division point for the exact medium rested.
In a manner of speaking, if the world were to be cut in a perfect half
from one end to the other, then my bed would, in fact, be its equator.
Actually, anywhere we stand on any given day could be the equator;
it's the person on the upside down-side that needs to do the measuring.
Indeed, I was a stoner. Hung out to dry in the rain.
As I gradually began to drift away, I could see the impression of an eroding shoreline.
The magical shore of Cairedon was within reach, for I am the dreamer who chose to
invoke its name, and as I willed it closer, I contemplated that alluring beach.
The creamy white sand with its fine silken texture had a moderate infusion
of stramineous hues, projecting its color toward a radiant golden yellow.
I guess it's safe to say that I found peace while in exile.
Silently, I imagined staring at the imperial tide coming in off the ocean as
that dazzling red ball of light on the horizon gently rose above the water in
shades of indescribable vermillion; where memories multiply and faith is food
for thought. An endless painting that stretches farther than the eye can see.
The soft illumination of dawn.
Gazing out upon an infinite sea that seemed to go on forever, I visualized the
geographic area where everything converged to become itself once more.
It ended the moment my eyes found the back of my head.
“Hey, is that really me?”
Again, I found my thoughts obfuscated within a veil of
illusive dreams where I was left to ponder questions
that could never be answered by mortal man. . .
How many men have lived and died?
How many tears has a woman cried?
How many widows are there in this world?
How many parentless boys and girls?
How many insects live underneath?
How many grains of sand on each beach?
How many raindrops have fallen down?
How big is Heaven?
Maurene - What and why
Only God knows the answer to these questions left unsaid.
So, what the hell was I trying so hard to learn? To comprehend
the impossible is madness, and besides, in the length of time
it takes for the hand on my watch to move one second, the
outcome has already changed dramatically.
“Mystical rhetoric,” I blurted aloud in my distorted lair.
Where an equal portion is longer than its counterpart,
those equations will surely be declared invalid.
Tomorrow - The incredible journey of Timothy Chase
Pg 7
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“What is longer than infinity” I thought?
The answer is in the hemisphere of the probe.
If something does not end, which had once started, then it
is safe to assume that if we stopped it now, we could indeed
measure it from beginning to end, therefore measuring infinity.
But since it keeps on growing, as does the cosmos, the end is,
in fact, its beginning, for the center goes on forever as well.
“That's it!” I exclaimed: “Half is the end of never!”
It was right about here that I had to control myself from
running up and down the block screaming, “I found the answer
which had plagued the world since the creation of time.”
It was me!
I found it!
I did it!
“Half is the end of never!!!”
The more I dwelt upon this, the more hysterical and confused I became
until the big ball of string in my head slowly unwound. Curled up like
a cat in his sleeping quarters, it all made sense to me now.
Zero equals more than its sum.
As vague imagery and minute recollections flooded my mind at an alarming
rate, there was nothing I could do but allow it to happen. I had absolutely no
control of the situation whatsoever. The zephyrs came and went, and I never
saw them, for I was in hiding. Like a primal creature in the earliest stages
of its development, I would wait until it was safe again to resurface.
After some time, my condition was once again stable. Calmly,
I unwrapped the sheets and coverings which secured me.
I gathered some sparse seeds together (from the weed) that had eluded me by rolling
away moments earlier. Not knowing what to do with these scoundrels, which would
assuredly form the basis of an inquisition, should I be caught with them, I did the
only logical thing that, in my opinion, served any relevance at all. . .
I put them in my mouth, and I ate them.
No evidence meant no crime committed, and it wasn't long after this that
I felt as free as a starling in an amaranthine sky to travel where it be, I may.
In contemplation, my mind reflected on the years which have sailed away.
Similar to a lost clipper ship inside the bottle that never moves from
atop my dresser, time is but a double-edged sword. In pleasure, it is
swift and just, and in pain, it can seem to last forever. Sparing no one
from the absolute resolve that is yet to come. . . Our grim demise.
Standing up, I decided to casually examine the elaborately detailed
hand-blown glass bong for superficial marks or scratches attributed
to occasional mishandling. Back in 1979, I stayed at my father's house
in New Dorp, Staten Island, for the summer months. No curfew was ever
imposed, and no rules were ever enforced. A very odd and eclectic store
called The Merchant's is where I purchased the extravagant item.
It was more like a head shop back then with every novelty a pothead
could ever hope to stumble upon right within arm’s reach. The
presentation of items was thoughtfully arranged in paradisiacal order,
and anything could be bought by anyone. No questions asked.
Along the glass display case, I could remember seeing those shiny steel
N2O cartridges of nitrous oxide called whippets, surrounded by a vast
assortment of rolling machines and every color of rolling paper one can
imagine. Petroleum ether in delicate brown bottles to inhale as soon as
you exit the store. The gentle high of breathing ether straight from the
bottle and that mind-numbing effect one would experience instantly.
This, interwoven with our nation’s history and its uses in anesthesia
since the early 1840's, only helped me to better understand this
wonderful substance that can make a user drunk simply by putting
one’s nostril over the bottle and inhaling its contents gently.
I never used a rag, as I had an endearing respect for the solvent.
As for me, it was a magical drug, and in theory, it was like having the entire
universe in a bottle. Almost like a gateway to some mystical genie was the
highly evaporative solvent that would produce dreams for you at will, leaving
you in a state of increased wonderment. With memories so nostalgic being
crafted and shaped instantaneously by a force that could only be located in
the furthermost depths of the underworld, memories that generally take many
years to develop and form over time would now require only minutes.
Listening to Rocket to Russia by The Ramones on ether would teleport me into
a demented land of the freakishly absurd. That zany place where our cartoon-like
minds could absorb the world’s overflowing madness to reconnect and reconfigure
accordingly. To stretch the boundaries of time and space is like exchanging logic
for palindromes. It is merely an illusion rolling a red carpet for you to walk on.
So, allow us to breathe in deeply that enchanting liquid so that we
may all dissolve into the bafflement of pure lunacy because that in
itself, my brother, could take the place of any human friend at all.
Nowadays, the only place you are likely to find a store like that
would be in the basement of some reclusive East Village shop.
Looking around my room, I could feel the intransient glory
of a world far beyond that of our own mortal beings.
I was now completely remodeled, for the incoming tide that had once crashed
to the shoreline carrying despair pulled back again, leaving a shimmering trail
of illustrious seaweed to sparkle like dark green emeralds in the morning sun.
“Fashioned from air was thy kingdom and steadfast my home.”
I chortled in my head at these words that bemused me.
An asseveration that should only be uttered by one
residing in the confines of a state mental institution.
Syd Barrett - Opel
Pg 8
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"Inkpop" reviews for chapter 2
cara_ruegg - "they might be very well be" ? I think you made a tinsy mistake in
that sentence. Other than that though this chapter is even better than the first.
once more beautiful imagery and descriptions. I am very much impressed. I'll
probably end up putting all your chapters up on my picks. lol.
isabella2296 - The whole concept of this is fantastic, and I love your incredible imagery.
You have incredible talent! Keep writing!
Mcrae by Nature - Yay, you have a chapter two up here. Last time I read chapter one,
it skipped over to chapter three. "I felt strange, as if I were breathing in one lung and out
the other at the exact same time." I really fell in love with your writing in this chapter.
I loved the imagery and how you described you bed being the equator of your room. This
was all so brilliant. There is such a rare quality to your writing. Can't wait to read more.
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"Worthy of Publishing" reviews for chapter 2
Katie Mae - Very interesting! Can't wait to read more! *rating = 5 stars*
Don Brennan - Half is the END OF NEVER!
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This review was posted on Feb/17/22
Ella's review
I want to congratulate you on your second chapter, it was as exquisitely written as the first.
From the narration to the dialogue, I loved it.
I can see that you really aimed to continue the story of the 24-hour period.
I would just like to know more about these characters from the second chapter already, as it
introduces more characters. This is a lovely project, and I have limited negative thoughts on it.
It was well written, and it kept my attention and had me engaged the whole time.
You spent time carefully crafting your world, the settings, and the characters, and
it resulted in a well-balanced chapter.
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Jacob's review
As said before, this chapter continues the experimental style, which I loved.
You paint the picture of being high and hearing a fight so perfectly, and so
believable. I have been high quite a lot, and this made it feel so realistic.
The prose read like poetry mentioned before in my previous beta read. This is
evident in the lines that are written in verse. It is exquisite and I loved it personally.
The long lines and the shorter verse-like sentences made a balanced narrative.
I have zero negative opinions about this piece, it was simply marvelous.
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Sarah's review
You evoke most of my senses, by describing the world, the characters, and the action of
these characters. From the beginning, the stakes felt high, and this drew me into the chapter.
This is an amazing expansion of the first chapter, I loved the “purple prose”
and the verses were amazing. Like the following:
While the orchestration of time formulated new theories,
a contingency plan was being woven. Layered in vibrant
colors, I ran my hands along the smooth bed sheets.
And:
As I gradually begin to drift away, I can see the impression of an eroding shoreline.
The magical shore of Cairedon is within reach, for I am the dreamer who chose to
invoke its name. And as I willed it closer, I contemplated that alluring beach.
This is simply fantastic and I loved it to bits!
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This review was posted on Mar/30/22
alits29's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - Reader Report
Beta Reader's Report by Alitha Igloria (alits29)
FIRST IMPRESSION
The vibes I garnered in this chapter has the resemblance of the movie “Alice in Wonderland”
where you contemplate the symbolic representation of the words or images existing in the moment.
As I go through the story of this chapter, I am baffled with episodes of illusions which lead me to
the only word I could designate in general “imbalance”. But it’s a reality, when a person is under
the influence of a certain substance, it can cause involuntary hallucination.
The words depicting the mind of the character were quickly altered within a moment.
But I observed that this episode just occurred effortlessly, I think this means that a person’s
will is at its weakest when the substance kick into action. And the owner of the body, just
watching helplessly but also enjoys it. But majorly aware that he is going insane.
I’m amused while learning brilliant words that raffles my thinking and interest. Probably, some readers
would not find this chapter appealing but to many its an evidence of creativity. It’s a masterpiece of the
authenticity of the writer/ author. For me, it’s a signature of ownership of the creator.
This is what I love in reading novels because it gives me the opportunity to be someone else thru
merging myself in the characters shoes. This chapter depicts the experience of a person under the
influence of a substance where the subconscious is unstable and causing disturbance of his reality.
Absorbing the experience of the character made me see how it is to live like this. Its not easy. But seems
it becomes an essential need of a dependent user of a certain substance. And these gives me insights that
at certain level, people do come to the point of experiencing such thing for whatever reason and it is not
ours to judge them because we have no knowledge or awareness on the battle these people are having.
CHAPTER OPENING
The chapter started with a serious situation, making me anxious and sad. It also reveals
that the character is concern with the reaction of his mother. I feel the emotion of remorse.
This indicates that the character was affected by how the mother reacted based on the nuisance
occurring in the next room. And he waited until the chaos subsided. He even expected that his
mother will rush in his room to confront his blunder.
But I must be honest, I’m not really sure what the problem/ issue that escalated the sentiment
of his mother. It could probably an issue not concerning him. But also, we can somehow suspect
just like the character sense his involvement of her stress.
I sense he is anxious that his mother would be disappointed of him after knowing the truth.
My inquisitive mind manufactured some questions about the connection of the character
and his mother during his childhood. I mean, is this man closer to his mother than his father?
I wonder what’s the back story of his childhood. Are there any siblings? I remember in chapter 1,
he mentioned his cousin and friends but no siblings.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
The character is an intellectual person. I’m curious, how and why he submitted himself on this
substance. Noting, that he is aware of his action. Was this just peer pressure or the character
experienced some shadow that needs to be oppressed and desired to escape reality?
The character revealed how scared he was when he heard the people next room
having pandemonium. I sense a young child fearfully hiding because he committed
a huge mistake that offended the people he loved. And this is a natural reaction.
I also think that the character loved his mother and this causes the remorse feeling. Now, I have
so many questions that needs answer but I know the answer can be found in the next chapters.
PACE AND FLOW
If we dissect the pace in each paragraph or story, we find inconsistency in speed rate.
The Opening is detailed and focused, so it gives you the minimal speed particularly
its narrating about the reality of an issue discussed by his folks in the next room.
Then the rest of the story is faster, as episodes of illusion keep on arriving and always shifting.
I was expecting more of the details about the shoreline but again shifting of episode happened.
And I respect how the writer project his work to the readers. It does make a difference.
LANGUAGE
I’m impressed how lines in paragraph sounds like a poem. Poem has always
presented its own in a graceful manner. And I see it’s arranged beautifully.
The language speaks clearly to my heart. Because of this,
I emerge myself as the character while reading it.
And I learned few things on how the author manifested the arrival of each
new episodes or scene. Also, the manner of transitioning from one episode
to another was delicately well thought by the author.
SENSITIVITY
The initial part of this chapter made me feel the same with the character. I felt my heart palpitate
while waiting for the conflict to hit the character. It’s making me sad knowing what this man has
gone through while hearing the noises in the next room.
In my own opinion, I think the behavior displayed by the character is like a young child fearing his mother
to come and punish him of his mistake. And I want to help this child or just comfort him. Maybe I empathize
this familiar scenario, because this is what exactly I experienced during my childhood.
This is the beauty of experience. You carry it with you though you forgot it years back but in a
speed of seconds it resurfaces when you mirror a certain situation that seems the details are
somewhat familiar. In this point, the readers build a connection to the character.
Also, the part where the character comprehensively describes the physical body reaction of having a fever.
The fact that the body experience fever when you are over-intoxication, this is a shocking truth because many
people dying from over dosage of using substance. And this made me feel fear and anxiety for the character.
DIALOGUE WRITING
Though there is a soliloquy in the dialogue, it was done with perfection. I can relate to this conversing with
your own self. As if you’re debating to your own replica. I mean, who else do you confide your secrets, your
impossible dreams and even the worst cases. Most of the time, we consul to our own self because we know
that there’s no deception and betrayal. And I completely understand the character. But I’m curious, why is
there always an episode of the divine, infinity and etc.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY
The plot shows the opening episode of the commotion in the next room, this upset our character fearing an
attack from his mother. Then followed by scenes of the shore, fever and store and then questioning the infinity.
Its an obvious theme when you have different scenes or episode particularly this
chapter revealing the mental activity of the mind of a dependent substance user.
I didn’t find any consistency of this chapter due to the fact that series
of scene were shifting often due to the influence of the substance.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION
Same with chapter 1, it contains many episodes and settings. But the writer made a clarity thru the manner
of presenting the story using transition sentences or phrases per scene, so it is still comprehendible.
Several scenes were given a great detail like the shore, the fever, and the stores. And even
the commotion in the next room were properly justified. So, totally the author knew his craft.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX
This work somehow made my belief justified. Many readers give reactions or judgement about grammar/syntax.
They follow word per word according to the book. Without considering that there are cases when you have to
ignore the rule because some grammar rules abolish the exotic beauty of the story.
In this time of my life, I only believe one thing- originality. But of course,
being guided is a good feeling also but in a positive manner.
So, again this chapter is filled with clarity and accuracy.
ENDING
This part of the chapter made me think deep. How in the world, could a man remember
his past experience? Knowing that this man is under the influence of the substance.
My inquisitive thought was challenged with the idea that suggest a possibility
that our mind is like a house with many doors of memory and emotions.
And, through the substance triggering anatomical function which could lead to production
of hormones or a chemical reaction that unlocks many doors, which leads to chaotic release
of imagery that disturbs the peaceful mind of a person dependent on this said substances.
And unknowingly the door to the 5th dimension which is present in the structure and functionality
of the mind was also triggered and unlocked. This 5th dimension which many considered the divine
dimension has come to focus. So, I guess this is the reason why the character experiencing self-
realization because the divinity was unlocked and being experience by this person.
Now this is a breathtaking saga. And the moment you discovered that you are the answer of
your queries about infinity made me clapped my hands and congratulating you subconsciously
for finding the secret to the infinity which is centered to the owner of the gift called life.
I have no idea what’s next to happen. And this makes it more intriguing because there’s
no pattern or speculation that I could formulate the next event. This story is very unique.
And also, its beautiful because this is real.
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This review was posted on Apr/1/22
Lameez' review
Beta-Read Report for 'The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe - Chapter 2'
Beta Reader: Lameez Rushin (Lameezisreal)
Overall Impression
The imagery, as always, was amazing and perfectly executed. I was able to visualise everything
described. It also feels like you’ve touched on the idea that being high coincides with a distressing
lack of awareness which is a take not often expressed, a refreshing new angle.
Chapter Notes
The scene definitely flowed a lot easier in this chapter. There were no choppy
breaks and I was able to discern the transitions between the rooms.
Character Notes
I enjoyed that we’ve been given a little more insight into the MC and
where his mind is at. This provides a little more depth to his character,
no doubt building towards something bigger later in the book.
Thoughts After Finishing The Chapter
I am curious about the people he heard closer to the beginning of the chapter. The MC
mentioned that he “could now hear the distinction between reality and a delusional mind
locked in paranoid mode.” and it left me wondering if the couple he’d heard were just
his imagination or if there had actually been people in the house.
Thanks again, Charles. I’m excited to see your next chapter!
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Hubiera's thoughts on Ch 2
This chapter specifically and I think all your novel is full of illusions, deep thoughts and
feelings.. There is no practical story. You were correct that its not for all gender and regions.
Chapter 2 was really profound and now looking forward for chapter 3 and chapter 4.
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This review was posted on Apr/12/22
nehanegi1905 's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of neptali sable
Reader's Report by nehanegi1905
Hello Chas! I hope you’re doing good.
And I just have a question for you.
How can you write a piece so magical?
Please being a writer I wanna know your secret.
From the very beginning of this chapter to the very last word, each and every
word carries a special feeling or emotion attached to it. The way you described
the activities going on in the adjacent room to the unbounded ideas crossing the
mind of the boy while he’s high is spectacular. I was so stunned after reading this
that I decided to come back and read it once again with a fresh mind.
There were so many things going on in the piece and it was still flowing perfectly.
Your writing truly compiled all these diverse ideas into a single piece of perfection.
The experience was so intense that I could imagine each and every single detail
happening right in front of my eyes and this is so rare to find.
Half is the end of never!!!
And this little part right here holds so much power.
The way you explained this concept is absolutely brilliant.
I don’t think I have anything else to say because what I just read is gonna stick to my
mind and make me ponder over several things for a long long time. I guess you are
now aware that I’m already hooked on this book. Eagerly waiting for the third chapter.
Thank you.
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Message to Neha
Hello Neha,
The only secret to my writing is in the degree of time I've spent working on it. What was
once a jagged and hideous stone, became a smooth rock. After more refinement, that
stone became like a piece of fine polished marble. Only after going the full nine yards,
did that piece of well-crafted fine polished marble become a diamond in the rough.
What we have now is an exquisite diamond. Please don't think that I am some kind of
genius who can write all of this down in one sitting, because I'm not. I'd be lying, if I didn't
tell you this particular form of writing took many years to perfect. It is a style I tend to call,
the Pendelton technique. Not only because I created it, but also because I have no idea
what it should be called, if not that. In truth, it's a lot of fun, but there were times I was up
24 hours straight clenching my fists and gritting my teeth, trying to find the answer to the
puzzle. Eventually, I would find out that the book was inevitably going to write itself, due
to my perseverance, and so, all I really had to do was give it some well needed space.
Like an unruly child who isn't going to listen anyway; try not to push the issue.
Always jot down what comes to mind first, and then build off that. Revise, revise, revise,
and then revise again. I guess the secret is in knowing that I was only going to write one
book. If you know that in advance, then however long it takes doesn't really matter, so all
of your concentrated effort goes into creating one product. Making it better than you can ever
imagine, eventually becomes feasible. If I was going to write forty books, then I would solely
have to rely upon the plot and the characters, and hope that readers would embrace them.
You could even write a book that becomes a best seller without anything more than a room
and some dialogue. Although this is an extremely rare case, it has happened. Take for example,
"Kiss of the Spider Woman" from 1995. The whole novel/movie takes place in a solitary jail cell.
But then, one's writing skill has to be impeccable, and it has to appeal to the masses.
No matter how you slice it, you will have to immerse yourself into intense research, hoping that
the reader is going to find your mystery novel, or your romance novel to their liking. Just knowing
that there are people in the world who honestly believe the Beatles weren't good, is enough to
know that readers are going to be equally as broadminded when it comes to reading certain books.
And there is nothing wrong with that!
It only proves that we as 'a people' have our own individualistic way of thinking. We have our own
unique mindset, and our own interesting way of doing things. Now if we all resided in North Korea,
writing something like this could very well prove to be a death sentence. What I am not particularly
in favor of is when I read book reviews of novels that I know are classics, and people give a thumbs
down without saying a word. Or they write that the author has no talent, and give 1-star. Sometimes
we're angry at the world, and other times we simply don't care, but we should always respect and
uphold the fact that people have feelings and life isn't only about how we feel on a certain day.
Though with social media on the rise, it's easy to get lost in the moment
and throw our emotions around like confetti.
I am very happy that you are enjoying the novel. Whether it will ever be released in my lifetime
is doubtful. As for my ten reviewers, you will be the pallbearers of my life's work. Feel freely to
distribute my work as you see fit, or compile them into a whole body of work, for my job is over.
In time, and through reading you will see why we need to keep this work alive. You will also
understand just how I acquired this very strange gift; even though I have a tenancy to call it a
curse. You'll have to bear with me on that, for all things will be revealed unto the reader in time.
*(You have my word on that)*
If you look deeply, you will find that each piece is an integral part of the puzzle. It is a full
account of one day in my life brought together by reflections of thoughts and memories
of the day itself. It is a concept no writer has ever thought about until now. A teenage life
condensed and comprised into a period of 24 hours.
If you have time, apart from your studies and things that are truly important to you, I would like
you to listen to something. An album that has racked up an unprecedented 950 weeks on the
Billboard top 200. An album that is an integral part of this novel itself. There are two albums
actually, but this is the first. . . Pink Floyd's - The dark side of the moon - in its entirety.
An album very much like my novel that is solely about time. It was a reference point, that if I could
make my novel as good as it was, then maybe it would really be worth reading after all. Besides, I
heard it the first month it came out in '73 with my girlfriend.
Blast it!!! - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCbzkW5wero&list=PLHmguiAhyeHWzYg8XE4wLT_iC0_RC1Wti
The second is "Love - Forever Changes." Without giving anything away, and without trying to make you a
hippie (((LOL))) this is the second album that you should hear at least once before completing this novel.
Listen. . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPbNpIG8x_s&list=OLAK5uy_lIfiGGgw0nJ6H3UcVvp1UbFhwr0LGPiBE
A very poetic album that is good for any writer looking for
a few drops of creativity in an ocean of perpetual boredom.
Under the right conditions, these albums have the potential to be life altering!
Believe me, I know!!!
Peace and love to my No. 1 fan,
Chas Pen
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This review was posted on Apr/15/22
aneelaiftikhar1's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Aneela
This chapter was about two things.
The problems between parents
His addiction
Now you are connecting things with chapter 1, as I have mentioned in the last review
that main character must have some problems which led to this kind of personality.
Domestic violence always led to create problems in children. As you said:
Like a primal creature in the earliest stages of its development,
I would wait until it was safe again to resurface.
But it is not clear whether these problems are due to his original father or step father,
is there any differences between his real parents or the others?
The main part of this chapter was about his addiction and its effects.
Once again, I would like to say I really like your writing style. How beautifully you
have portrayed the clash scene with each detail but the thing I liked the most is the
explanation of the condition of the child. And how he blamed himself for this.
I began to fidget like an autistic child and came to the undeniable conclusion that I had
smoked too much, too soon. Nothing could be worse than that feeling of over intoxication.
The poetry type thing is very good.
I really liked the way he remembers every thing and you are connecting his past with his
present. How these all things have developed his personality (pg.6 and 7)
Memories that normally take many years to develop and form over time,
would now require only minutes.
After this you have showed the after effects of using the intoxications in detail such that I can
imagine a teenage boy having those effect. The helplessness, sorrow, sadness and then the loss
of control on your body and mind. A remedy for the ailment which had now begun to plague me.
Don’t you think that novel is a bit slower and story is not having a required pace? You are a very
wonderful and clear writer; you know what you really want to tell the reader and at right time. But I
think in this chapter, you have a focus on his addiction and its after effects. Add some other things too
so that there will be no problem in pace. I really like the small sentence segments introduced by you
in different places according to condition. These lines give life to your chapter, Deep and hovering.
Half is the end of never!!!
That's it I thought, half is the end of never!
*Zero equals more than its sum*
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This review was posted on Apr/16/22
Tayyaba17's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Tayyaba
‘’ Fashioned from air was thy kingdom and steadfast my home.’’
Captivated by the feeling of romance and remorse, the author is trying to
find the answer to questions emerging in his mind for a long time. He is
trying to find ways to finish certain things that were left unfinished.
This shows his continuous failed efforts to run away from reality by
taking a cushion of drugs, which seems not to be helping him much.
He has clear memories of what he went through, and the sedatives are making
it easier for him to recall all of that in minutes. The memories have jumbled up in
his mind. And by taking help from isolation and drugs, he is trying to get over the
heartbreak and the pain. So he could escape the boundaries of space and time
and eventually find some peace.
It is remarkable how distinctly the writer has penned down the phase
of life in pain that we can only experience but cannot express in words.
Besides, this chapter points toward the important incidents that have brought
him to this point where he has lost his interest in life. Thus creating the suspense
about how he is going to regain that spark in his life. He realizes that peace lies
in extinguishing the hollowness within him.
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This review was posted on Apr/19/22
sianiesl's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Siani
Another poetic and beautifully written chapter, thank you very much
for allowing me to read your work. I hope the below is helpful.
Readability of Chapter 2.
In other words, how quickly did I read the chapter,
how much did I enjoy it, and where did it drag?
This chapter seemed a little more subdued and slower in pace. It was almost as if
the chapter could have spaced out over hours within the characters day, yet it was
all in a manner of moments. This second chapter, although it seemed slower paced,
didn't drag or become tiresome. In fact I believe the unhurriedness of your writing in
this chapter made me feel like I was part of sleepy fog that had washed over our main
character. It gave me the impression that he has all the time in the world, he has no
where to rush off to, and is not a part of the normal rat race the rest of the world is.
I felt as though he knew something that no one else knows.
That you don't have to see the world as black and white, and the
reader was fully submerged into his colorful and vivid cosmos.
Reader’s opinion.
As a reader, what did I think of your plot, your characters, and your writing style?
There wasn't a great deal to unpack in this chapter, but then again I don't feel like there
needed to be. It was a pleasure to be inside this characters head. To see the world with such
a unique and unusual way. The writing made me as the reader feel like I was supposed to feel
a sense of gratitude for being able to listen to the characters mind at work, and see through
their eyes. The character themselves has made go from feeling that they are maybe a burden
on their family and slightly underachieving, to being in awe of their mind, their intelligences and
overall their grand worth as a person.
This second chapter really made me change my opinion of the main character.
As before, your writing is elegant, and your plot stays focused in one place, and doesn't jump
around from different people, times or places. The prime focus point I have taken away from
this chapter is being inside the characters mind and understanding a little more of their thoughts
and personality. Understanding how sensitive yet strong and courageous they are or can be.
Positives and negatives. What about your chapter did I love or hate?
I am very much enjoying the description and variety of phrases which are presented within
your second chapter, it reads almost like a poem, and is very fluid and graceful.
One part in the chapter which did make me a little confused was the noise from the other room,
I read the paragraphs and few times and I could not understand who they were referring to. Was
it their neighbors who they could hear, or his mother? I don't quite understand why the character
was concerned with his mother entering his room, accusing him belittling him, was it because
they were listening to her? Or did she think the noises where coming from his room. What was
the unessential phone call regarding? These were some of the question I had during this second
chapter, it may well be answered in the next part of the novel, but from my initial reading I wasn't
sure what that segment meant, or what I was supposed to think.
Subsequent discussion of your manuscript.
Over all I enjoyed reading this second chapter. It was well in tone with the first,
full of bright detail and refined descriptions throughout with I very much appreciate.
All the best,
Siani
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This review was posted on Apr/21/22
aid_aid's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - Reader Report
Beta Reader's Report by aid_aid
“In a manner of speaking, if the world were to be cut in a perfect half
from one end to the other, then my bed would, in fact, be its equator.
Actually, anywhere we stand on any given day could be the equator;
it's the person on the upside down-side that needs to do the measuring”
1. I am honestly in love with the above part.
2. For the review of this chapter, I like how your natural style is pretty
poetic and creative. A reader could get the best glimpse of the same when
you pen down the questions, which are in itself marked with intensity and
depth, and they tend to fall into a rhyming scale. The poem adds to the
already eccentric and racing thoughts of the protagonist.
3. The initial description of the happenings next door was subtle
and fall in line to give a glimpse of your pure imagination.
4. I do feel, however, that despite the proper distribution of your wordplay
and the thoughtful stretch of this story, somewhere the main context of the
story vanishes towards the end. For instance, the story shifted to a lot of
infinity and zero counts from the smoking perspective. Though the shift is
really smooth, I do feel that picking up the smoking point, in the end, could
sound better had the same been discussed between the lines too.
5. All in all, the similes and comparisons you have done over the while in
this story are impeccable and I am glad to have come across such a piece.
6. On a side note, this chapter is somewhat better in comparison
to the first one. That is a personal opinion and may be subject to
alterations as I get to read more of your content.
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This review was posted on Apr/24/22
kanchanninawe's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of neptali sable
Reader's Report by Kanchan
FIRST IMPRESSION - What was your overall take on the chapter after reading it?
For average readers who are not used to reading the level of heavy literature used,
it will be a slow read for such readers. There is detailed description of the situation
and what is going on in the mind of the character which allows to get reader involved
and hooked to the character. The first 5 pages are not in a good flow.
CHAPTER OPENING - Do you like the wording used?
Do you want to keep reading? Are you excited to turn the page?
According to me the wordings used should be lowered down a bit, that is levelling down
some heavy words is what I will suggest which will eventually keep the reader hooked
to the story. Honestly, there were portions where I thought it was unnecessary added.
Leaving few of the paragraphs and pages it is nicely written.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS - Did you find the character(s) too imaginative, or descriptive?
Are they exciting or boring in this chapter?
I found the character a little too imaginative, the character is interesting though.
Compared to the first chapter this chapter didn’t appeal to me that much.
PACE AND FLOW - Was it too fast/slow? Does it move smoothly, or is it rough and choppy?
Did you feel lost at all?
It does have a flow but as mentioned few portions doesn’t
have a gripping effect and thus feel slow and lost.
LANGUAGE - Do you like the way the writer plays with words? Do you feel that he
knows what he is doing? Do you think those obscure words help or hurt the story?
Do you believe readers can learn something here?
To make it easy going I would suggest use of simpler words as compared to the
ones used, they sometimes don’t give profound effect to the delivery of the story.
SENSITIVITY - Is there anything that offended you?
Are you offended by the illicit substances conveyed in this chapter?
No, there is nothing in the chapter to get offended by.
DIALOGUE WRITING - Do you enjoy the narration of the author?
Was the message delivered in a clear and thoughtful manner?
Particularly in this chapter the narration lacked the flow
and clear delivery of thoughts specifically in first 5 pages.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY - Was the plot on point? Do you like where it is going?
I like where the story is heading towards, better flow is expected.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION - Is it fine the way the author described his surroundings?
Should more attention be paid to detail?
It is very beautiful the way the details are explained and described.
No more attention to detail is required.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX - Does the wording confuse you? Does the
writing excite you, even though it doesn't entirely make sense.
The thought behind the wording was not clear, rest
the words are appealing just tone it down a bit.
FAVORITE QUOTES/PASSAGES - Did anything the writer stand out?
Were there any sentences/phrases that impressed you?
Page 6, para 1
The more I dwelt upon this, the more hysterical and confused I became
until the big ball of string in my head slowly began to unwind. Curled
up like a cat in his sleeping quarters, it all made sense to me now.
OVERALL THOUGHTS/ENDING - How do you feel on an emotional level?
Did it make you want to turn the page or close it?
In the beginning it did feel slow and the flow isn’t as good as it can be, as overall
the ideas and thoughts are intriguing but there is a lack of ease to the chapter.
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Indu is my official editor - Apr/24/22
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This review was posted on May/14/22
apoorvasonavane's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2
Reader's Report by Apoorva
FIRST IMPRESSION –
The emotions and the surroundings were very well in details.
The word play kept me hooked as a reader throughout.
CHAPTER OPENING -
The opening looked hopeful but things changed really fast.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS -
We can see the character struggling between reality and hallucinations.
The emotions he holds for his mother and knowing he cannot help was
something very realistic
PACE AND FLOW -
The pace felt a little slow with the details going in about everything.
It also felt very show, which was the best thing.
LANGUAGE -
“Soon an altercation would develop between them over something as
insignificant as a pen, and without warning, this small quarrel escalated
into a full-fledged brawl.” Please consider checking this sentence
SENSITIVITY -
No comments on this.
DIALOGUE WRITING -
The character’s thoughts and emotions are well portrayed in the story.
The silent anguish of the violence going on in the other room was very
well explained. A little more dialogue could be used here, I think. The
characters musing to themselves towards the end was a good addition
for that but some sound could be added to show the anguish they felt
by listening to the voice from other room.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY –
The plot drifted from the narrator talking listening to his surrounding to
answering the questions in his mind. It was slow but pretty consistent.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION -
The surrounding details like the sound of lamp or the texture of his bedsheet
was easy to imagine and understand where the character resided. The picture
was painted vivid for the reader and it was easy to visualize
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX -
The word play throughout the chapter was of intermediate level and expressed
the things the narrator wanted to show the reader. “I feared Mother” the mother
is personified here? The literary devices used in this chapter are very noticeable,
it was a witty, I think
FAVORITE QUOTES/PASSAGES –
Silently, I imagined staring at the imperial tide coming in off the ocean as
that dazzling red ball of light on the horizon gently rose above the water.
OVERALL THOUGHTS/ENDING –
The chapter name neptali sable, I didn’t understand the significance of it to the
chapter. Overall, I felt like the character has a lot to say and another character
apart from them would be welcome. I would like to the MC talking with someone
else and also the clothes they are wearing, or a little about their physical features.
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This review was posted on May/16/22
iqrabashir871 's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of neptali sable
Reader's Report by Iqra
Looking the world through someone else’s eye is always interesting.
The chapter 2 named ‘The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe is a bit
similar to the previous chapter. However, here the focus makes a difference.
"While sitting on the bed he entered into a new world. A world that is going to
solve the mysteries eventually. Nothing can be more beautiful than finding the
answers by yourself. Indeed, it seems like a true joy to get those answers.
Over intoxication can undeniably be dangerous. However, sometimes it helps to
unlock new doors. I am just amazed to see how beautifully he has expressed all
of his emotions. Everything leads to a flow when he found it usual these emotions
in a high state. There he began to find the peace. Imaginations are always pretty
but becomes more attractive when you find peace in them.
The Struggling with tangled thoughts, he asked a question about himself. Afterwards,
he left with several unanswered questions. Thinking about all the dead men, tears of
woman, widows and parentless children, he got some further questions. But now he
had the answer. The hemisphere of the probe was the only thing to put him on ease.
‘Half is the end of never’ he found himself in the answer. In my opinions, it is the biggest
victory of his life. Many people are still struggling to find the place where they stand. It is
nothing less than a blessing. Finally, he was calm after getting everything that he was
looking for. In 1979, he stayed with his father for the summer. There were no rules imposed.
At that time, he purchased the most extravagant thing of his life.
Overall, the story has an aesthetic look. As a reader, I love it. It makes me even
think about myself. No doubt, it has raised several questions in my mind also.
Tone: It was perfect
Grammar: A single error was found and corrected
Suggestions: Combine it with another story or chapter to make it more attractive.
However, it’s good to go even as a single chapter also.
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This review was posted on May/23/22
krithika2001 's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Krithika Ravi
Opening :
The chapter started in a very unique way, and somewhat serious - I would say.
He was feeling odd and also worried that his mother would make accusations
on him for what’s happening in the next room. While I was reading, all I had in
my mind was, some psychedelic / hallucinating vibe which felt very different
than the other novels I have personally read so far. In my opinion, this chapter
is better than the first one. It keeps getting better.
Characterization :
• Protagonist – It can be seen that he is an addict, and he has mixed feelings
about that. He is intoxicated and going insane. He is well aware of his situation as
well. He is also worried that his mother would find out. Earlier, it has mentioned that
his mother would make accusations for what’s happening in the other room – which
I think, his relationship with his mother is not that smooth. But it’s understandable
that he has love and respect too for his mother which is why he didn’t want his mom
to find out because that’d disappoint her. If not, he didn’t want problems because he
also doesn’t like his mother – That is why he was so anxious whether his mother
would find out or not.
• Mother – The relationship between the mother and the protagonist seems to be
unpleasant. No idea what caused this. From first chapter, we did not get much
information of the mother character but in here, there is a small description which
describes her character as somewhat strict. And it looks like she is not affectionate
with her son. • There were more characters mentioned in the first chapter.
I hope they would appear in upcoming chapters.
Plot & Conflict :
This chapter mainly covers his addictions and the effects. It describes how he realizes
that he has used it too much, and worried that his mother would barge into his room
due to what’s happening in the other room and find out about him. Meanwhile I also
slightly have a doubt whether these couple he mentioned are real or was he just
hallucinating. Just something popped my mind while reading it again.
Reader Report by Krithika Ravi
I want to know why you either like it or dislike it?
I really like it. Very nicely written, especially this writing style includes poetry and there
are shifts in the scenes which keeps the reader engaged till the end. It also ended in a
unique way, where I am unable to predict what the following chapter would include.
Favourite quotes, if any.
I have several favourite quotes from this chapter.
• and I could now hear the distinction between reality
and a delusional mind locked in paranoid mode.
• Where an equal portion is longer than its counterpart,
those equations can only be measured invalid.
• Half is the end of never!!!
• time is but a double-edged sword. In pleasure, it is
swift and just, and in pain, it can seem to last forever.
• “Fashioned from air was thy kingdom and steadfast my home.”
How different is it from other works you’ve read?
This is an absolute good one I have ever read. I really liked how the
story was carried out. Especially the way it was written – perfectly
balanced with short poetic lines and long paragraphs. Really excited
for the next chapter as I have no clue how it will begin or what it has.
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This review was posted on May/26/22
sidrahumar120's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Sidrah
Chapter 2:
FIRST IMPRESSION - What was your overall take on the chapter after reading it.
An interesting start of chapter 2, where the background and setting are very well described
and then it starts relating how he got worried about her mother rushing into her room.
I loved the part where he is pondering being thoughtful and asking questions.
CHAPTER OPENING - Do you like the wording used? Do you want to keep reading?
Are you excited to turn the page?
It starts relating how he got worried about her mother rushing into her room.
I wanted to know more about what is going to happen next… Yes! I was excited.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS - Did you find the character(s) too imaginative, or descriptive?
Are they exciting or boring in this chapter?
There aren’t many characters introduced rather its more about its thoughts being narrated beautifully.
PACE AND FLOW - Was it too fast/slow? Does it move smoothly, or is it rough and choppy?
Did you feel lost at all?
It was normal, not slow, or fast. Going on to read next lines, it started to get better and interesting.
LANGUAGE - Do you like the way the writer plays with words? Do you feel that
he knows what he is doing? Do you think those obscure words help or hurt the story?
Do you believe that readers can learn something from it?
This chapter main focused on his thoughts and how he is relating to it.
SENSITIVITY - Is there anything that offended you?
Are you offended by the illicit substances conveyed in this chapter?
Nopes!
DIALOGUE WRITING - Do you enjoy the narration of the author?
Was the message delivered in a clear and thoughtful manner?
PLOT/CONSISTENCY - Was the plot on point? Do you like where it is going?
Yes, however, I believe the ending could have been a bit better. As now, it is more abrupt.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION - Is it fine the way the author described his surroundings?
Should more attention be paid to detail?
No, otherwise the pace will get slow, and the reader will lose their interest.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX - Does the wording confuse you?
Does the writing excite you, even though it doesn't entirely make sense?
Nopes!
FAVORITE QUOTES/PASSAGES - Did anything the writer stand out?
Were there any sentences/phrases that impressed you?
“Again, I found my thoughts obfuscated within a veil of
illusive dreams where I was left to ponder questions
that could never be answered by mortal man. . .
How many men have lived and died?
How many tears has a woman cried?
How many widows are there in this world?
How many parentless boys and girls?
How many insects live underneath?
How many grains of sand on each beach?
How many raindrops have fallen down?
How big is Heaven?
Only God knows the answer to these questions left unsaid,
and what the hell was I trying so hard to learn?”
I loved how important and thoughtful these questions are. Moreover, it
shows he is pondering over little yet impactful things that matter to him.
OVERALL THOUGHTS/ENDING - How do you feel on an emotional level?
Did it make you want to turn the page or close it
No, This chapter remained to be thought awakening chapter rather than being emotional!.
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This review was posted on June/7/22
Alysorrow's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Aly Sorrow
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This review was posted on June/14/22
Hajranoor786's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Hajra Noor
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This review was posted on Aug/25/22
Iqrawarriach418's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 2 - The mystical realm of Neptali Sable
Reader's Report by Dr. Iqra Warriach
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This review was posted on Jan/23/23
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This review was posted on Jan/25/23
Reviewed by yashodha_95
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This review was posted on Feb/12/23
Reviewed by andreamircheska
C
P
WW
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This review was posted on Feb/15/23
Reviewed by nicollecastano
C
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This review was posted on Feb/15/23
Reviewed by zuma_the_pro
C
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This review was posted on Feb/17/23
Reviewed by mahaghazi
C
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This review was posted on Feb/17/23
Reviewed by gwheeler2019
C
P
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This review was posted on Feb/18/23
Reviewed by dilanaserbetci
C
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This review was posted on Mar/11/23
Reviewed by jgmacleod
DD
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This review was posted on Mar/14/23
Reviewed by sarah1409
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This review was posted on Mar/16/23
Reviewed by tl8858
DD
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This review was posted on Mar/16/23
Reviewed by angeilaaaaa
FF
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This review was posted on Mar/17/23
Reviewed by hinaspatel
HP
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This review was posted on Mar/17/23
Reviewed by sheilamgr
JF
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This review was posted on Mar/21/23
Reviewed by qeilisha
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This review was posted on Mar/31/23
Reviewed by aamnaaaa
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This review was posted on Apr/10/23
Reviewed by chelseaburdick
MM
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This review was posted on Apr/15/23
Reviewed by kripasajo
JJ
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This review was posted on Apr/16/23
Reviewed by pazkou
LL
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This review was posted on Apr/21/23
Reviewed by afrinjahan11
DF
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This review was posted on Apr/24/23
Reviewed by rupalrao
RR
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This review was posted on Apr/24/23
Reviewed by uzmafaridi
UF
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This review was posted on Apr/26/23
Reviewed by juliaversep
JV
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This review was posted on Apr/27/23
Reviewed by labia_1903
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This review was posted on Apr/30/23
Reviewed by tawhida560
TH
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This review was posted on May/8/23
Reviewed by nusratjahan603
I really like this new picture of you Nusrat!
As the woman emerges, the childlike features will
be replaced with an elegance of maturity
NR
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I absolutely adore this picture of you Saleha!
It gives off an early Julianna Margulies vibe.
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This review was posted on Jun/6/23
Reviewed by shumaya
sm
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This review was posted on Jun/15/23
Reviewed by ruchidave97
RD
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This revision was posted on Jun/16/23
Reviewed by ruchidave97
RD
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This message was posted on Jul/28/23
RB
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This review was posted on Jul/28/23
Reviewed by ramshabaloch101
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This review was posted on Aug/2/23
Reviewed by sampriktaada813
SP
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This review was posted on Sep/27/23
Reviewed by ritikagoyal587
RT
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This review was posted on Oct/4/23
Reviewed by nandi_h
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This review was posted on Nov/21/23
Reviewed by namra
5/5 Rating
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This review was posted on Nov/21/23
Reviewed by halie
HL
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This review was posted on Dec/21/23
Reviewed by karyl_b
KB
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This review was posted on Dec/26/23
Reviewed by mariya_567
MA
Rating 4/5
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This review was posted on Jan/2/24
Reviewed by adeeba
Review of chapter 2 by Adeeba_21
Hello again, Charles!
I cannot express the joy of working with you again.
Thank you very much for the hundredth time, and I mean it all while!
I believe from my previous review that it was pretty clear I am into your
creative world of imagination, where each segment acts as a piece of
uncanny art that leaves the reader in utter wonderment. In my language,
"Wanting to know more...
This chapter was something else for me, to be honest. Moreover, to be frank,
my eyes welled up while reading a few passages like, "The gasping cries of
sadness were those of utter sorrow in a room where fact and fiction overflow.
Where everything relevant pulls apart, and the consortium of anguish grows."
"To comprehend the impossible is madness, and besides, in the length of
time it takes for the hand on my watch to move one second, the outcome
has already changed dramatically."
"To stretch the boundaries of time and space is like exchanging logic
for palindromes." etc. I connected with them on a deeper level, more
like a mystic conversation.
An epic part is these particular lines: "What is longer than infinity?"
"Zero equals more than its sum."
"With memories so nostalgic being crafted and shaped instantaneously
by a force that could only be located in the furthermost depths of the
underworld, memories that generally take many years to develop and
form over time would now require only minutes."
"If something does not end, which had once started, then it is safe to
assume that if we stopped it now, we could indeed measure it from
beginning to end, therefore measuring infinity."
As I was going through them, I subconsciously let my imagination flow
so nonchalantly that it took me a moment to figure out the fact that these
parts are genuinely individual. They are so beautifully crafted that every
reader will have a taste that will not match or even come close to others.
They will imbibe them according to their level of perception, which is not
something everyone can do with their writings, and thus, I couldn't help
but give you a massive applause for creating a masterpiece like this. This
whole chapter, especially those fragments, felt intimate as I was hooked
to the imagination while the character and its surroundings developed.
So much so that I didn't even realize it ended so quickly!
With all that being said, I rate this a 5/5.
This is genuinely my unbiased review. I am so glad I could connect and
align with the chapters' flow; hence, I cannot wait to move forward!
I believe the next one holds so much more!
Cheers!
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This review was posted on Jan/2/24
Reviewed by craftopia
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This review was posted on Jan/9/24
Reviewed by aimanmengal3
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This review was posted on Jan/10/24
Reviewed by sababaloch292
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This review was posted on Feb/4/24
Reviewed by jayamalir234
I
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This review was posted on Mar/29/24
Reviewed by mycabajada
MC
Chapter 2 drew me in with its rich descriptive language and vivid imagery, creating
a dreamlike atmosphere that left me eager for more. The protagonist's internal
musings and surreal experiences captivated my imagination, and I found myself
deeply immersed in the narrative. The chapter's exploration of themes like perception,
introspection, and the interplay between reality and illusion added depth to the story,
leaving me intrigued about the protagonist's journey.
To make the chapter even more engaging, I'd love to see further development of the
character's background and motivations. Exploring the protagonist's personal history
and emotional depth could help readers connect more deeply with the character and
become even more invested in their experiences. Additionally, introducing moments
of interaction or dialogue with other characters could add dynamic elements to the
narrative, providing opportunities for character development and plot advancement
in a way that feels natural and compelling.
Overall, I'm excited to see how the story will continue to unfold in Chapter 3, and I'm
looking forward to experiencing the further development of the themes, characters,
and the dreamlike atmosphere that has been established in the narrative so far.
Chapter 2: Rating: 4/5 - Excellent - It went above my expectations.
The dialogue between the characters was witty and engaging.
It added depth to their personalities and kept me invested in their journey.
Review: In Chapter 2, the story picked up pace, introducing new conflicts
and developing the characters further. The author's writing style continues
to impress with its richness and attention to detail. The dialogue between the
characters felt natural and helped deepen their relationships. While there were
a few instances where pacing could have been improved, overall, this chapter
exceeded my expectations and left me excited for what lies ahead.
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This review was posted on Apr/18/24
Reviewed by poesiha
PE
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This review was posted on Jun/7/24
Reviewed by preety_mandal
PM
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This review was posted on Jun/21/24
Reviewed by anamikayadav723
AM
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This review was posted on Jun/27/24
Reviewed by swatigarg249
Favourite quotes
#Like a stone cast into a still pond, I could feel my very spirit rippling
as it disengaged from the housing of its weary temple.
#As vague imagery and minute recollections flooded my mind at an
alarming rate, there was nothing I could do but allow it to happen.
I had absolutely no control of the situation whatsoever.
#Time is but a double-edged sword. In pleasure, it is swift and just,
and in pain, it can seem to last forever.
Likes
I love how expressive and vivid your writing is. In just two chapters
I have so much imagery, so much philosophical talk going on. There's
no denying that you've put in a hell lot of effort in creating such a
thorough experience for your readers.
I like how his mind travels from one world to another.
And you bring to life every place his mind takes us to.
Improvements
Go deeper into his experience. I am sure the weed experience has been
written before. I loved the way you've described it. Go deeper I would suggest.
I want to know every detail. Have mentioned in in-line commentary the places
I feel the experience has been touched upon from afar.
I love the poetic nature of your writing. Reminds me of The bell jar. But some
places need to be worked upon. The sentences are hard to read. Use the
Read Aloud feature of MS Word to help identify complex sentences.
The entire second chapter is dedicated to his "weed experience". All of his mind
escapades feel like they are random and do not help the story much or the
development of character. You could have used it to help us understand his
insecurities, his past, his personality. Rather than limiting the weed experience
to random musings could have used it purposefully. Hope this makes sense.
Overall I'd rate it 3. It was good to read. Needs some polishing, some more depth,
and some unique, out-of-box experiences.
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This review was posted on Jul/12/24
Reviewed by sarahbowmann
SB
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This review was posted on Jul/18/24
Reviewed by theidlemind
TP
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This review was posted on Aug/10/24
Reviewed by kalpana_patel
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This review was posted on Aug/28/24
Reviewed by hooriaarhum
HOO
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