| Chapter 05
Danger on the thirteenth floor!
As a child, I would often imagine the framework and hours of labor entailed to
erect such a prodigious edifice as my stepfather's place of work. I can remember
being there for the first time at the age of twelve. Summer was nearing its end,
with Labor Day weekend fast approaching.
In the late afternoon hours on a Saturday or a Sunday, the building would be as
empty as an abandoned courtyard and as quiet as a summer breeze. Crowds of
people passing by become scarce as cars and trucks diminish until the street once
again reclaims the night. There is nothing now but the ever-slow release of tranquility
emanating from the end of another stressful workweek. Everyone was off in their own
direction until Monday, and you could almost hear the quiet, peaceful hum of silence.
The contentment I found while roaming the dimly lit corridors was a lull of
placidity between myself and my thoughts. Perhaps the old-fashioned layout
allured me with its forgotten past and untold stories that took place in an
extravagant penthouse overlooking a stately promenade. Or how the ever-
brooding quietude could penetrate the stillness of a lonely heart and mind
to transpose an ordinary day into a memorable occasion.
As I ascended the spiral staircase of white textured marble, I could hardly wait to
reach the penthouse on the thirteenth floor. Since it was one large room as opposed
to twenty little ones, the ornate sign with its fancy lettering stated: Penthouse Suite.
This was understandable.
What I did not understand, however, was how business owners in this day and
age of logic still remained mindful of the fact, thus glorifying the fanaticism
and arbitrariness of our frightened ancestors who once lived in the dark.
Why can't we forge ahead?
Why won't they simply inscribe, thirteenth floor?
What would happen?
Would people tear their hair out and scream aloud?
Would they become imbued with terror and hurl themselves to their death?
The thirteenth floor of the adjoining building is presented to guests
and occupants as the fourteenth floor, which only goes to prove that
even man, in all his boastings, can be easily susceptible to silly
superstitions laced in fear, carried over from an earlier century.
Back in the Middle Ages, if you inadvertently belched while walking
down the street, the townspeople of the community might assume
you had a demon and would disembowel you.
People weren't safe back then, for the world was upheaved in madness.
Five hundred years later, people still wish to believe that dark forces hide within numbers.
In other words, residing on the 13th floor is perfectly okay, providing
the elevator that takes you there tells you it's the 14th floor.
No matter how you look at it, the only thing you're
likely to find up there is hogwash and rhetoric.
Pg 18
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If you're going to be frightened of anything, be frightened of
the ogres and phantoms that lurk in dark corners of your house.
They plan your demise while you're fast asleep, and sometimes
you can even hear them stirring. When something falls to the
floor at night, don't blame the cat; he had nothing to do with it.
Instead, blame those who are responsible if you dare.
In my opinion, phobias have no place in a businessman's world, for they are
a fallacy of fact. And so, I figure we either revamp the whole number system,
whereby eliminating the dreaded No. 13 from ever having to be written again,
or we unveil the new floor, giving them all a taste of their own bitter medicine
so that they may learn and grow accordingly.
Looking down through the hollow spiral of a turn-of-the-century staircase
with its thick wooden banister, my eyes found the first-floor landing.
At the age of fourteen, my stepfather asked me if I would like to help him
at the building with certain chores that needed to be done. I told him I
would. With a dust mop, broom, and a makeshift dustpan from the Ella
Fitzgerald era, I would begin on the twelfth floor and gradually work
my way down to the main lobby. Ramon would mop the floors on the
other side where the freight elevator was, so we wouldn't actually
see each other until we were finishing up.
“Be careful,” he once said to me. “You fuck up; I lose my job.”
You could say that Ray was a funny guy and most people liked him. Before
he fell in love with my mom in the early 1970s, he worked over at Nathan’s
Famous in New Dorp where they sold hot dogs and pizza. They also had
mirrors that distorted your size and the only video game of its time… Pong.
I would go there once or twice a week after school to watch Ramon spin the
pizza dough. He was a real pro at it and by using his fists he would toss the
pizza high into the air. Once, he threw it so high that it stuck to the ceiling
and all the kids laughed and clapped and screamed. When it finally came
down, he spun it a few more times before adding the tomato sauce. I’m
not sure you could get away with doing something like that today!
And since we’re driving down memory lane, there is also another tidbit of
information I feel you should be made aware of. The year was 1974, and my
mom and dad had officially called it quits. Mom was dating Ramon and as a
gesture of goodwill Ramon decided he was going to cook for us this evening,
so by the time my mother arrived home, she would have a freshly cooked
meal. And perhaps, that would bring them closer together… It didn’t.
It’s a true fact, that there is good and bad in everything, but sometimes the sheer
lack of communication can bring an entire operation to a screeching halt.
I can recall being with my friend Harmony across the street. She wasn't feeling
too hot on this particular day, so I left the house, and figured I'd give her some
space. As I entered the living room, I could smell the heavenly aroma of what
could only be defined as the world's 'best smelling' meatballs. Only they didn't
smell like meatballs; they smelled like something you would expect to smell
coming from a Tunisian bazaar. Indeed, Ramon had an eccentric collection of
gourmet spices in his arsenal to make any mundane dish worthy of a celebrity
handshake. Sitting myself down in a red and chrome retro side-chair at the
kitchen table, (that was in style before it became retro) Ramon asked me (in his
Argentine accent) if I was hungry. "Yes," I replied, and he scooped up a few ladles,
and emptied them into my plate. By the time my mother arrived, I was almost full.
And this is the way it played out.
"Something smells good in here. I got grease on my hand from that damn car, again."
Mom was referring to her black Rambler. After she scrubbed her hands clean, she used two
paper towels to dry them off before discarding them into the waste receptacle. Taking two steps
forward she immediately froze. Her eyes widened as she turned around to (once again) open
up the metal bin. With hand over mouth, and a scenario of unscripted words that would have
been perfect in a Broadway play, I merely sat and watched the event unfold.
"What in God's name is this?"
"Ees de mitballs, Kathy."
"Why does it have a dog on the label?"
"Ees like de Chef Boyardee have-e-de little spaghetti O's, ese (this) have-e-de little mitballs."
"It's because you made dog food!"
"But mom, they're so tasty," I bolstered as I popped another one into my mouth.
"Eat another one, and I'm going to break that plate over your head."
"Kathy, please, ees all right."
"It's not all right Ramon, because no one in this house is going to eat fucking dog food!"
Which is the only time I ever heard my mother drop the F-Bomb.
"But ma, he used so many different spices..."
"And you shut up!" she bellowed, in a deep assertive tone before dumping (in a fit of rage)
the whole bubbling concoction into the garbage, which in-turn melted the entire bag.
And that was the last time I was ever introduced to Alpo meatballs.
We return now to our story now in progress.
If we were there late, Ray would teach me how to operate the manually
controlled elevators, maneuvering the brass arm back and forth
with a wooden knob. There was a small seat to sit down in that had
been fastened by rivets and connected in place to the floor.
On a busy weekday, strange sounds coming from inside the wall were
common if you happened to be ascending or descending that winding
staircase. No, it wasn't a ghost shivering about in our time frame.
Neither was it a rat scurrying down its ravaged partition.
It was simply an envelope tickling the old brass mail chute as it
fluttered rapidly in making its descent to the central depository on
the ground level in the lobby. This was usually the case in high-rise
structures when letters were dropped from upper stories and
would be collected daily by the postman on his route.
Toward the holidays, several people from each floor came to work
until around three on Saturday, but on Sunday, the building was always
barren. Every now and then, I would push open the mail slot on each
office door to get a glimpse of the inside. Upon doing so, a gentle whiff
of the strange air would often escape, greeting my nostrils. Isn't it odd,
I thought: the things we do out of boredom?
In one room, I could easily recognize the scent of fine leather coats, whereas,
in another was the nauseating odor of cigarette smoke. In one profoundly dim
room, I breathed in gently the most enchanting perfume, which had such an
aesthetic charm to it; I sighed. While in one of the office rooms at the far end
of the corridor, the acrid smell of funeral flowers permeated the thin air.
This led me to believe there was someone dead in there, upon which
I immediately took the white marble staircase down to the next level.
Pg 19
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Some rooms were dark and daunting as if way past evening, while others were
brightly lit, cheerful in a sense that they told the true time of day with large
windows that welcomed in the sun. The Indian rug company would always
smell of curry and spice, while the small accounting firms reeked of cigar smoke.
Some of the rooms would have an eerie breeze coursing through them, perhaps
from an old vent shaft or from a window left partially open. And no matter how
bright the sun was shining outside, it was always dark and desolate in that external
enclosure surrounded by tall office buildings where the ground would appear to
resemble a flat roof lined with tar and topped off with gravel. A place with no escape
other than back in through the window you exited from. Kind of like an invisible barrier
was separating the day from the soon-to-be evening hours. It filled me with a sense of
inner peace and nostalgia to entangle myself in that world.
To become lost in it.
As I gazed ever so serenely into the mirror of time, I could begin to see those
wood-framed windows surrounding the dreary enclosure from where I lay in
bed. Covered in decades of soot from exhaust fumes and smoke from factories,
I truly began to wonder if they had ever been cleaned at all. A tiny crack formed
in the lower left-hand corner of the 9th floor where Mr. Lewis Hind slammed the
window down hard; after hearing the ill-fated news of the stock market crash.
Was it real?
No.
Did it matter?
No.
But it was fun to play the game, and I was beating boredom at the same time.
Some activity was going on in my mother's room, and I assumed she had just
finished getting dressed. She then went back into the bathroom as she always did
to put on her make-up before going back into the bedroom once again for her
purse. I listened rather intently to the sound of her footsteps as they made their
way down the creaky brown carpeted staircase and away into the kitchen area.
On the eighth floor, you will find the oldest company still operating in that building.
The black and gold lettering; that still embellishes the pebbled glass appears to be
antediluvian. One that would echo the sentiment of an earlier time, while the heavy
door with its solid brass doorknob still opens and closes with exceptional ease.
If you're waiting for room 802 folks, you better look elsewhere because Mr. Schwartz
set up shop in 1906, and he never left. As of this year, he will be ninety- four years old
and is assisted by his second wife of eighty-seven. She aids him in walking by keeping
a hand on his back to steady him as he shuffles about slowly with a walker. In his office,
he still uses a black rotary dial telephone from 1943.
One day in the not-so-distant future, there will be no one left from the previous
century, and I will find to my dismay, I have grown old. On the fifth floor, you will
see a costume company run by an old Sicilian man. I cannot remember his name,
but whenever he saw me, he always gave me a mask or a gag of some sort. But
this floor could not be accessed, for it was locked from the inside. So, he would
have to look through the glass door, hoping he would wander out and see me.
Pg 20
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On the twelfth floor was a tailor shop that always had a spare dress form wheeled out into
the hallway. When I first saw it, I was a bit baffled by the vintage relic. Aside from never
seeing one before and having no idea why anyone could ever want one, there was a certain
eeriness about the way it just seemed to be waiting there. After a while, I wondered why no
one ever took it, considering so many opportunities had been afforded.
The business was run by two old men, Giuseppe and Irving. They had an uncanny
ability to get under each other's skin. Like an Italian Oscar and a Jewish Felix,
they would prattle and prod each other until the joviality of the moment discharged
itself into a slew of oppressive and angry words used purely to wound.
On occasion, I would see an unusual piece of chalk in the form of a triangle that
had made its way past the door jamb. Since they came in so many different colors,
I perceived them to be some kind of foreign lozenge lying there without a wrapper.
Sometimes they were quiet, usually when they were busy, but most of the time, they
would just be throwing miscellaneous words at one another and complaining.
“Where did you put the ladies' halters?”
“What ladies’ halters?”
“The ones in the crate that came yesterday!”
“They picked them up while you were out to lunch, you schmuck.”
“Nice of you to tell me, and don't call me a schmuck.
You are not Jewish. I am a Jew; I can call you a schmuck,
but you cannot call me a schmuck, understand?”
“Okay-okay, Cretino.”
“What, Cretino? What are you calling me?”
“It's Italian for putz!”
Occasionally, the uneasy sound of a howling wind could be heard coming from way down
in the basement, and this I knew was the freight elevator. What I can tell you is that it's an
Otis piston elevator with a steel walkway grid design on both the ceiling and floor. Since
it is powered by water and not electricity, it makes a very foreboding sound that raises an
eyebrow when one is alone. It is operated by pulling a steel cable hand over hand up or
hand under hand down using thick leather gloves. As you descend past the second floor, a
steel ball connected to the cable comes up and barely makes it through this small housing
I call the O-ring. This special device, it would appear, has been mounted to run midway
down the cab, perpendicular to the ceiling inside the car, to prevent or to dampen any
vibration caused by the cable or to keep the cable running straight.
From there, the ball has just enough space to come out through a hole in the ceiling made of
hardened steel as well. This tells the operator that he is reaching the basement, and if you are
pulling a heavy load, you had better slow down. If you don't pay attention to the cable, or if your
thumb should accidentally be above the steel ball as it passes through the O-ring at this point. . .
A door slammed shut, and my thoughts scattered. Mother was gone too, and finally, I was alone.
Grapefruit - Elevator
Pg 21
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This review was posted on Mar/15/22
Ella's, Jacob & Sarah's review
LOVELY LOVELY chapter!
We were completely engaged in the chapter from the start to the finish. You never
dropped our attention. From the elevators to the phobias, to the other floors.
We LOVED the chapter, it is well polished, but there are things that we, as readers, did not like.
These issues are very small, so please do not feel like this review is “general” or “generic” it is
just that we are always honest, and if something is good, we are going to tell you that it is good.
You evoke most of our senses, by describing the world, the protagonist, and the action of the narrator.
You kept the dialogue brief, and concise, without rambling and drawing it out, which is a really good
way to speed up the pace and the narrative. However, we did find ourselves distracted by the bolded
text and the omitted use of “he said.” at the end of the dialogue. We also think that narration between
dialogue could even make the scene more powerful.
As before, in our other reviews, we loved the use of bolded text, italics, and normal text,
it created a sense of prioritizing the important text that a reader had to read and decide
what is the most important things to take away from the chapter.
We felt the chapter had a sense of ambience to it. Something scary if you will. It felt like we were
children, in an elevator, something in a Stephen King novel in the Shining. It was just fantastic.
One last thing to mention is the fact that we still have no clue how all of these chapters
correlate with one another, but we are very excited to keep on reading. Each chapter has
such an interesting and unique aspect to it, and we cannot wait to see the end result.
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This review was posted on Apr/20/22
Lameez' review
Beta-Read Report for 'The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe - Chapter 5'
Beta Reader: Lameez Rushin (Lameezisreal)
Overall Impression
This is definitely my favorite Chapter so far.
It's multifaceted between the characters, the plot and the Main Character (MC).
Moving from one scene to the next was easy and effortless.
Chapter Notes
I loved that each floor in the building had its own story. It felt layered without
overtly describing each little story. It gives the chapter a touch of realism
because on any given day, everyone we pass has stories of their own.
Character Notes
The MC is seen as an observer of the world they inhabit. Just watching the world
around and ruminating on it. The fact that we are given a short, short backstory
with why the MC is in the building includes him in the narration. Far too often,
the observer is removed from the story and given an omniscient trait. This was
a wonderful touch to the chapter, as always.
Thoughts After Finishing The Chapter
I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your writing has definitely improved in terms of scene
changing, character information and balancing world building with plot development.
Thank you so much and I’m excited to see your next chapter!
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This review was posted on Apr/21/22
alits29's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Reader Report
Beta Reader's Report by Alitha Igloria (alits29)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Simple as it may seem but this chapter reflects that man is mindful of what is
going on around him. Looking at the point of view of the character, he’s familiar
with the people and the vicinity, which reveals that we are connected thru the
daily interaction that we have with other people.
I like how this chapter was laid out. The details convey some personality of Charles.
The working ethics of a person talks a lot about their character.
I observed how Charles keenly checked every floor’s residential occupants.
The details of the individual existing in it were based on his impression. Given
that its simplicity, somehow makes it a calmer ambiance still it’s a story.
This part is considered as important as the previous chapter. It allows me to see his
attitude and relationship with his step-dad Ramon. I mean just look at how he helps
him, aware that he is not employed still he gives him assistance by helping out.
Charles could just go somewhere or hang out with friends but chooses to accompany
Ramon as a supportive stepson. And what we call - love and respect in action.
And I noticed how inquisitively Charles approached each floor.
How he perceives the supposed to be “13th floor” and how he contemplated the vibes of
Saturday and Sunday. I like this chapter as it simply shows that simple things are also part
of life’s experience. All things are beautiful may they be great or small, so whatever experience
that would come will always contribute to someone’s development or personality growth.
CHAPTER OPENING
The opening reveals a picturesque of how the weekend’s expression appeals to young Charles.
And I totally agree with the atmosphere being exposed to the ambiance of a Saturday or Sunday.
These vibes of weekend silence made me witness how peaceful it is to have a time out from busy
hassling working days. I like this opening. It’s simple but it connects with the reader for just simply
elaborating on what a weekend feels like. And it allows the reader to be appreciative of these
special days of the week.
I enjoyed how Charles narrated the establishment of his step-dad’s workplace. But I feel there
should be more details of young Charles’s adventure moment because for some reason when
a reader reads how kids do things during a certain situation it would make the audience feel
humored by being reminded of how they were also like that of their childhood memories.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS
I see Charles’s mindfulness in what he is doing. This chapter, also reveals how he is
supportive of his step-dad. He finished the cleaning even though he is not paid or
rewarded by Ramon. I could say that because of this chapter, Charles is industrious,
inquisitive, thoughtful and a respectful son. And he has an old soul in him that appreciate
old designs and contemplates odd events like the 13th floor. Also in this chapter, Charles
is not under influence of the substance. But I observe he is naturally an inquisitive thinker.
PACE AND FLOW
The pacing of this chapter is a bit lethargic as it circulates around the vicinity of Ramon’s
workplace. Charles just complies with the cleaning task his dad assigned to him. Though
some details pertaining to the manual elevator and the whole aura of Saturday and Sunday.
I think this is the calmest chapter since the flow is just on an amazing enough rate of speed.
LANGUAGE
The magic of creativity is where one can expound a basic lay-out of reality into aesthetic
display thru striking words. I learned new words in this chapter but since the scenes are
somewhat relatable it seems common to me. The descriptive design of each floor scenes
were considerably easy to comprehend. So, I think it’s safe to say that though the words
challenge the depth of the understanding of the reader/audience, still comprehendible
when the idea it represents actually correlates with the experience of the readers.
SENSITIVITY
I feel how Charles reacted when he discovered a funeral scent of flowers. Then he
concluded that there could be someone dead in that certain area. So, he expatriated
swiftly to the next floor. I’m curious about that part. I mean it could be that someone
might have died in that place and the soul bears the scent that Charles smelled.
But he did the right thing. It’s not something that needs attention.
DIALOGUE WRITING
I observed several dialogues between Charles and Ramon. And it’s good to read it
though it’s just a short line. It shows how obedient Charles is to his stepdad’s request.
Also, I saw two quarrelsome colleagues’ dialogue. I see how keen Charles was when
it comes to identifying people thru impression. The manner of writing the dialogue is
well descriptive and has clarity. I expect more dialogue on this part but this chapter
is about Charles helping out his stepdad. So basically, it is what it is.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY
As the story circulates around the experience of Charles helping out his step-dad, I was
impressed because the writer made this simple moment into something extravagant. This
is another manner of how to make scenes like this thru the usage of words to deploy the
details in action. But this requires a vast imagination to comply with such a grand outcome.
Here, the story is consistent as it started with the placement of the silence of the weekend
then followed by Charles’s cleaning commitment, and ended with the manual elevator.
The plot is spotless and clarified.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION
The imagery that I got from the details provided in this chapter surprisingly captivated
my palate in reading. Though it’s not simplified in terms I like how it evolves to sound
like poetry. The word interplays the beauty of the setting. I truly see that words are
powerful as long as its properly utilized in the story.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX
The whole structure of this chapter is already reviewed. The style of this writing is influenced
by the writer so even if some syntax was not properly aligned or engaged still the content was
effectively delivered. And I myself find this well-constructed Chapter a unique creation.
The writer knows his craft and I’m confident that he designed and planned everything well.
ENDING
The ending shows peace and contentment since he finished his task.
But I want more of his mother in that ending moment like a dialogue.
I’m curious about her mother. And why her mother left without telling him that she will
go out or something. Reading this line… “Mother was gone too and finally, I was alone.”
This made me contemplate, Does Charles love to be alone?
Or is mother upset with Charles that’s why she went out to avoid confrontation?
The ending reminds me that all the time we do our part in our family, relatives,
and friends’ life is a revelation of our appreciation of their presence in our life.
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This review was posted on Apr/24/22
nehanegi1905 's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the Thirteenth Floor!
Reader's Report by nehanegi1905
Hello Chas. I hope you’re doing good.
I just fnished reading the fifth chapter and it just felt like that
perfect cool breeze on a hot summery day. It was so refreshing
and a much needed change that the story required.
I absolutely loved the concept of the thirteenth floor or the
number thirteen and the superstitions surrounding it. I think
the chapter was short, simple and to the point, communicating
everything it aimed to with the reader. It perfectly made me
aware of the boy’s neighbours and surroundings.
Really looking forward to read the next chapter.
You’ve kinda got me hooked,
so i’m always looking for the next chapter.
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This review was posted on May/11/22
sianiesl's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the thirteenth floor!
Reader's Report by Siani
Hello, this was an insightful chapter with careful and well thought out
detailing and description, thank you again for allowing me to read it.
Readability of Chapter 3.
In other words, how quickly did I read the chapter,
how much did I enjoy it, and where did it drag?
Chapter 5 was another flowing and well written piece of writing. There wasn't
any part in which I thought it dragged or didn't make sense. It was quite a nice
change of pace from the previous chapters, and was more of a grounded and
down to earth description of the building in which Ray worked.
Reader’s opinion.
As a reader, what did I think of your plot, your characters, and your writing style?
I feel at this point in the novel this chapter was a much needed respite from the
dreams and imaginations from our character. It gave a good sense of reality and
reminded me as a reader that there is more to this person than the other worlds
they visit. They have a childhood and history, relationships and connections. They
have love and hate, and in this chapter they share a memory with us the reader,
which adds some vulnerability to them. The writing style is very consistent which
is great and helps the reader keep focus when a lot of information and description
has been provided.
Positives and negatives. What about your chapter did I love or hate?
I really enjoyed this deviation from the other stories, I think this kind of unique style
the novel is written in will need it now and again as to not over concentrate and spoil
the creativity and specialness of what you are trying to achieve. For me, this chapter
built a strong and vivid image in my head of our character and his stepfather along with
their surroundings. The offices were described beautifully and I could hear and smell all
the distinct and individual people and businesses within. I would personally like a little
more in depth context regarding the mother and stepfather, I still can't settle on whether
there is a strong relationship between them all, if the character is on good or bad terms with
either of them. From the dialogue and description in chapter 1, I am siding more with the
stepfather not being around so much, and there not being a good relationship when he is.
Subsequent discussion of your manuscript.
Overall this was a great chapter, if gave past history for some added flavour,
as well as creating another structure and place for the reader to be lost in,
this time being a little bit more relevant and ordinary, something that most
readers can relate to seeing or being in at some point in their lives.
All the best,
Siani
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Indu is my official editor - May/15/22
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This review was posted on May/24/22
kanchanninawe's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the thirteenth floor!
Reader's Report by kanchan
FIRST IMPRESSION - What was your overall take on the chapter after reading it?
The chapter was very fun to read. From start till the end the flow was really good.
Attention to details is also very well put. Overall it was a good read. The story is
leading somewhere interesting and next chapter is awaited.
CHAPTER OPENING - Do you like the wording used? Do you want to keep reading?
Are you excited to turn the page?
Reading the chapter, as the flow was grasping and interesting so yes reader
would want to turn the page and keep on reading. And the reader I expecting
that the story keeps getting more and more captivating.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS - Did you find the character(s) too imaginative,
or descriptive? Are they exciting or boring in this chapter?
No, character isn’t too imaginative. The character is exciting in this chapter
and more character development is expected for the upcoming chapters.
PACE AND FLOW - Was it too fast/slow? Does it move smoothly,
or is it rough and choppy? Did you feel lost at all?
The pace is perfectly alright according to me. And it didn’t feel lost anywhere.
LANGUAGE - Do you like the way the writer plays with words? Do you feel
that he knows what he is doing? Do you think those obscure words help or
hurt the story? Do you believe readers can learn something here?
The words are adequately used and inquisitive nature of character is
nicely portrayed. There weren’t any obscure words to get offended by.
There’s nothing to learn from except the writing style.
SENSITIVITY - Is there anything that offended you? Are you
offended by the illicit substances conveyed in this chapter?
Not at all. There wasn’t such kind of illicit writing included.
DIALOGUE WRITING - Do you enjoy the narration of the author?
Was the message delivered in a clear and thoughtful manner?
Yes, I very well enjoyed the narration of this chapter. The idea and
storyline was completely conveyed in a clear and a thoughtful manner.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY - Was the plot on point? Do you like where it is going?
The plot was on point, and very excited to see where it is going to head.
Looking forward for amazing plot and twists and turns it is going to take.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION - Is it fine the way the author described his surroundings?
Should more attention be paid to detail?
The details were up to the mark and though more character movement (location-wise)
could be expressed nicely, apart from that it was pretty nicely described.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX - Does the wording confuse you? Does the writing excite you,
even though it doesn't entirely make sense.
The writing excites me and it is making sense according to where the story id headed.
FAVORITE QUOTES/PASSAGES - Did anything the writer stand out?
Were there any sentences/phrases that impressed you?
These lines and not so innovative but I liked how crisp they are, Page 2
In my opinion, phobias have no place in a businessman's world, for they are
a fallacy of fact. And so I figure we either revamp the whole number system,
whereby eliminating the dreaded No. 13 from ever having to be written again,
or we unveil the new floor, giving them all a taste of their own bitter medicine
so that they may learn and grow accordingly.
OVERALL THOUGHTS/ENDING - How do you feel on an emotional level?
Did it make you want to turn the page or close it?
With this chapter I feel the story is going to get picked up tremendously, this chapter was
read by me in just a go and was wanting to read more so the pages are going to turn rapidly.
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This review was posted on May/25/22
aid_aid's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Reader Report
Beta Reader's Report by aid_aid
“The contentment I found while roaming the dimly lit corridors was a lull
of placidity between myself and my thoughts” would be fair to say roaming
around or roaming in the dimly lit…
“Since it was one large room opposed to twenty little ones, the ornate sign
with its fancy lettering stated” would be better to write this as ‘just one large
room as opposed to ….
“age of logic still remained mindful of the fact,” the term ‘the fact’ seems
ambiguous. It can be ‘this’ fact or just redefine the fact that you are talking about.
“Why won't they simply inscribe, thirteenth floor”
the thirteenth floor would be better
“If you're going to be frightened of anything, be frightened of the ogres
and phantoms that lurk in dark corners of your house. They plan your
demise while you're fast asleep, and sometimes you can even hear them
stirring. When something falls to the floor at night, don't blame the cat;
he had nothing to do with it.
Instead, blame those who are responsible, if you dare!”
this gave me literal chills. Well written.
“And so I figure” ‘figured’ would be a better expression.
“There was a small seat to sit down in that had been fastened by rivets
and connected in place to the floor.” Rephrasing needed. Would sound
better as ‘there was a small seat to sit down in it which had beed…”
“One day in the not-so-distant future, there will be no one left from the previous
century, and I will find that I have grown old. On the fifth floor, you will find a costume
company run by an old Sicilian man.” A change of paragraph would suit better.
From the line, on the fifth floor, a different paragraph should start.
“On occasion, I would see an unusual piece of chalk in the form
of a triangle that had made its way past the door jamb”; ‘on certain
occasions’ or ‘occasionally’ would be better.
“A door slammed shut, and my thoughts scattered. Mother was gone too, and
finally, I was alone.” This ending seems a little rushed as compared to the other
chapters. It looks okayish but could be better, seeing you have already written better.
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This review was posted on Jun/8/22
krithika2001 's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Dragon on the 13th Floor! (((LOL))) She's so cute
Reader's Report by Krithika Ravi
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This review was posted on Jun/9/22
aneelaiftikhar1's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the 13th floor
Reader's Report by Aneela
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This review was posted on Jun/22/22
iqrabashir871 's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 6 - Danger on the 13th floor
Reader's Report by Iqra
FIRST IMPRESSION - What was your overall take on the chapter after reading it?
Answer- The chapter didn’t go according to my expectations. Indeed,
the building flours appeared as twist in the story. I felt myself lost as
I kept reading. It was loaded with uniqueness in content. Also, it
makes you read more & more. In other words, I truly enjoyed it.
CHAPTER OPENING - Do you like the wording used?
Do you believe it is uniquely different from everything else out there?
Answer- Yes, I strongly believe that the content. Besides that, the wording
used in the chapter may take more time to understand for an average reader.
However, it’s all worth it as it makes the story more interesting.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS - Did you find the character(s) too imaginative,
or descriptive? Are they exciting or boring in this chapter?
Answer-Yes, they all seems nearly real to me.
The character of a child showcased its emotions perfectly
PACE AND FLOW - Was it too fast/slow? Does it move smoothly,
or is it rough and choppy? Did you feel lost at all?
Answer- In the beginning, it fills the person with curiosity.
However, it gets a bit hard to understand in the middle.
Yes, I feel myself lost several times while reading.
LANGUAGE - Do you like the way the writer uses words?
Answer-Yes.
Do you feel that he knows what he is doing?
Answer-Yes, but at some places, it feels like he is lost too.
Do you think those obscure words help or hurt the story?
Answer- In my opinion, it hurts the story a little bit.
Do you believe that readers can learn something from this chapter?
As a reader, I learned how a writer can describe their imaginative stories.
SENSITIVITY - Is there anything that offended you in any way?
Answer-No, I didn’t find anything offended.
DIALOGUE WRITING - Do you enjoy the narration of the author?
Was the message delivered in a clear and thoughtful manner?
Answer- Everything was pretty clear to understand.
He has delivered the message through dialogues in a proper way.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY - Was the plot on point?
Do you like where it is going?
Answer- To be honest, I wasn’t expecting such kind of plot.
The story is unique enough to go beyond my expectation.
SETTING/DESCRIPTION - Is it fine the way the author described
his surroundings? Should more or less attention be paid to detail?
Answer- No, everything seems perfect.
He has paid enough attention towards the surrounding.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX - Does the wording confuse you?
Does the writing excite you, even though it doesn't entirely make sense at times?
Answer- The writing was interesting enough to keep me going
and complete it in single sitting. The wording didn’t confuse me.
FAVORITE QUOTES/PASSAGES – Did anything the writer convey stand out?
Were there any sentences/phrases that impressed or delighted you?
Answer- I love the way he ended the chapter.
Shutting the door scattered his thoughts.
He was left alone in the end.
OVERALL THOUGHTS/ENDING - How do you feel on an emotional level?
Did reading this chapter make you want to turn the page or close it?
Answer- I am surprised how anyone can narrate everything so clearly.
Everything was on right point. I can feel the emotion of character
“You fuck up, I lose my job.” Yes, I have always adored your writings.
This one was more interesting as compared to previous ones.
With a little bit suspense, it can only make you turn the next page.
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This review was posted on June/25/22
Tayyaba17's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the 13th floor
Reader's Report by Tayyaba
Danger on the thirteenth floor!
This chapter depicts the clarity of writer’s observation and he has crafted a distinct
effect on the readers. He has elaborated the pattern of change in effective thinking
over the period of time. He has shown that people are more practical & busy these
days. They are ignorant of fact that buildings are influenced by the values, creative
ideas and relationships and the hundreds of stories are buried in those walls.
The flow of writing is very engaging and smooth that makes the readers immersed
in the writing and satisfying their curiosity. Such descriptive writing helps the reader to
build connection with the texts and actually create the picture of the story in their mind.
The writer has penned down comprehensible imagination and this helps
the reader to remain engaged and not to be distracted by the details.
The metaphors and wording used in the story has conveyed the emotions
and impressions clearly. This is driving the readers to think in abstract manner.
The obscure words have made the reading more attractive and professional.
The reading is undoubtedly interesting and giving an indication of some curious
events in the next chapter. In the paradox of reality and imagination, the writer
is disclosing the main incidents in the story in his own creative way.
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This review was posted on Jun/28/22
apoorvasonavane's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5
Reader's Report by Apoorva
FIRST IMPRESSION –
A refreshing new perspective from the protagonist.
CHAPTER OPENING –
The Ramon’s work place was well described and it kept me curious
and hooked to know what is coming up.
CHARACTER ANALYSIS –
We can see that the protagonist doesn’t really like his father and vice versa from
their attitude towards each other and the way he addresses his father as Ramon.
PACE AND FLOW –
The pace seems good this time, the protagonist keeps coming back to reality
give the story a realistic view and his musing keep the reader on the edge.
LANGUAGE –
The word play in the 1st para was intriguing.
Antediluvian—interesting word choice.
SENSITIVITY –
I noticed the mention of the country was well used.
DIALOGUE WRITING –
Ramon’s attitude towards him is hostile from the dialogue he said. Bickering is the best
kind of humor, I enjoyed it. It was lighthearted and fun. Also their word play was good.
PLOT/CONSISTENCY –
I think the plot was smoother in this one. The building description
went from top floor to the place where he is, very interesting. The
setting was easy to image and the transition was smooth as well
SETTING/DESCRIPTION –
The description of the 13th floor tragedies or beliefs was very vivid, it was easy to
imagine and it left an impact with the bold lettering. The elevator description was great.
GRAMMAR/SYNTAX –
I think a sentence shouldn’t start with ‘so’ or add an comma, its on page 5
FAVORITE QUOTES/PASSAGES –
“They picked them up while you were out to lunch, you schmuck.”
“Nice of you to tell me, and don't call me a schmuck. You are not Jewish.
I am a Jew. I can call you a schmuck, but you cannot call me a schmuck, understand?”
“Okay-okay, Cretino.”
OVERALL THOUGHTS/ENDING –
Cliffhanger! I want to know why was the protagonist waiting for his mother to go?
Will bring out of the bong again? Interesting, curious to read the next one.
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This review was posted on July/4/22
Hajranoor786's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the 13th floor
Reader's Report by Hajra Noor
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This review was posted on July/8/22
Alysorrow's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the 13th floor
Reader's Report by Aly Sorrow
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This review was posted on July/27/22
sidrahumar120's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the 13th floor
Reader's Report by Sidrah
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This review was posted on Sept/6/22
Iqrawarriach418's review
The Embryo Man and Other Tales of Woe: Chapter 5 - Danger on the thirteenth floor
Reader's Report by Dr. Iqra Warriach
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This review was posted on Jan/25/23
C
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This review was posted on Jan/31/23
Reviewed by yashodha_95
C
P
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This review was posted on Feb/18/23
Reviewed by andreamircheska
C
P
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This review was posted on Feb/25/23
Reviewed by gwheeler2019
C
t
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This review was posted on Mar/1/23
Reviewed by mahaghazi
Finally the main character introduces us to the real world of his life.
He’s not daydreaming at all, rather he is having flashbacks and it’s
kind of a read where you curl up in a blanket and hear it through
the storyteller’s mouth.
And I enjoyed knowing the backstory of his step father and mother.
It was just like any normal family. As the family members have been
introduced the story gets more tangible. A boy, probably the one, having
been without a sibling would have thought pattern of this kind, a lot of
trivial stuff. His details of the building where he works with his step dad
and abhorrence towards the 13th floor, that had me thinking maybe the
story is based mostly about something sinister that could happen there.
Few building inmate’s families are introduced and a lot of offices operate
there and he’s diving into all the surroundings of his life. At the end he
discusses about the handling of an elevator and his potential danger but
suddenly his mom exits from probably the house, where the chapter ends.
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This review was posted on Mar/10/23
Reviewed by zuma_the_pro
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This review was posted on Mar/28/23
Reviewed by sarah1409
g
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This review was posted on Apr/2/23
Reviewed by qeilisha
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This review was posted on Apr/5/23
Reviewed by aamnaaaa
GH
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This review was posted on Apr/7/23
Reviewed by hinaspatel
LO
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This review was posted on Apr/22/23
Reviewed by pazkou
ZK
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This review was posted on May/4/23
Reviewed by afrinjahan11
AF
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This review was posted on May/8/23
Reviewed by tawhida560
TH
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This review was posted on May/8/23
Reviewed by labia_1903
TW
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This review was posted on May/13/23
Reviewed by nusratjahan603
NR
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This review was posted on May/29/23
Reviewed by rupalrao
rr
I
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Saleha Zainab - June 21 - Chapter 5
This chapter of the novel provides vivid descriptions and reflections on various
aspects of the narrator's experiences in their stepfather's workplace, a large building.
Here are the main points and interpretations:
1. Childhood Imagination and Tranquility:
- The narrator reminisces about their childhood and how they would
imagine the effort and labor involved in constructing the building.
- The building is described as empty and quiet during the late afternoon
hours on weekends, creating a sense of tranquility and peacefulness.
- The narrator finds contentment and calmness while exploring the dimly
lit corridors, which allows them to escape into their thoughts and reflect
on the building's history and stories.
2. Superstitions and Phobias:
- The narrator questions the persistence of superstitions, specifically the
omission of the 13th floor due to the fear associated with the number.
- They express a desire to move forward and overcome these irrational
beliefs, suggesting that phobias have no place in the business world.
- The narrator highlights the absurdity of fearing the 13th floor and
proposes either eliminating the number or revealing it as a way to
challenge and debunk the superstition.
3. Personal Anecdotes:
- The narrator shares memories of their stepfather, Ramon, and his previous job at
Nathan's Famous, where he impressed people with his pizza dough spinning skills.
- They recall an incident when Ramon cooked meatballs that tastes good but
originally was dog food, leading to a somewhat chaotic situation at home.
4. Building Exploration:
- The narrator describes their routine of helping their stepfather with chores in
the building, starting from the 12th floor and working their way down to the lobby.
- Mention Ray teaching them how to operate the manually controlled elevators and
the unique experience of sitting in a small seat attached to the elevator's floor.
- The sound of envelopes fluttering through the brass mail chute is mentioned as a
common occurrence, with letters being dropped from upper floors and collected by the postman.
5. Sensory Impressions:
- The narrator emphasizes the variety of scents encountered while exploring
the different rooms in the building.
- They describe the smell of leather coats, cigarette smoke, enchanting perfume,
and funeral flowers, which evoke different emotions and atmospheres.
- The building's external enclosure is portrayed as dark and desolate, separated
from the outside world, filling the narrator with a sense of peace and nostalgia.
6. Reflections on Time and Aging:
- The narrator reflects on the passage of time and the inevitability of growing old, particularly
when considering the oldest company in the building and the tailor shop run by elderly individuals.
- They express a sense of melancholy about the eventual disappearance of people from the
previous century and their own aging.
7. Quirks and Tensions:
- The narrator describes the peculiar interactions between Giuseppe and Irving, two old men
running a tailor shop on the twelfth floor.
- The men engage in banter and arguments, often using harsh words, and occasionally
a triangle-shaped chalk becomes a point of contention between them.
Overall, this chapter captures the narrator's observations, musings, and memories within their
stepfather's workplace, showcasing their curiosity, introspection, and attention to sensory details.
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This review was posted on Jul/31/23
Reviewed by ramshabaloch101
RB
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This review was posted on Aug/5/23
Reviewed by sampriktaada813
sp
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This review was posted on Oct/3/23
Reviewed by ritikagoyal587
RG
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This review was posted on Nov/27/23
Reviewed by halie
HL
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This review was posted on Dec/13/23
Reviewed by nandi_h
ND
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This review was posted on Dec/14/23
Reviewed by namra
NR
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This review was posted on Jan/3/24
Reviewed by mariya_567
MR
Rating 5/5
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This review was posted on Jan/8/24
Reviewed by adeeba
Review of chapter 5 by Adeeba_21
AD
Here is a small piece of note before I start articulating my review that I felt
upon my completion of this chapter: "You can never validate what the future
holds with your experience, even if the laces of happenings and presences
are of the same entity. Because guess what? All they are ever waiting for is
to amaze you yet again with their newness. Ever so gently make you realize
that it is not just unknown once, rather unknowable."
This chapter was fun to read, Charles! Not to mention, I was taken aback
after completing my first read and realized that it is a little different from the
last 4 chapters. It felt as if you were flowing just the same way it was penned
down, and thus, you thoroughly enjoyed the pattern, like the descriptions of
each floor, moments linked with it, etc.
The intrinsic details of them made it alluring. Indeed, I have my favorite passages
like, "The contentment I found while roaming the dimly lit corridors was a lull of
placidity between myself and my thoughts"
"It’s a sad but true fact that there is good and bad in everything, but sometimes
the sheer lack of communication can bring an entire operation to a screeching halt."
Moreover, there are numerous lines that flawlessly deliver the ambiance and
consistency of the rhythm of the chapter, which is my lovable part.
Now, a slightly delicate part of this chapter is that, as a reader, a few times, I
felt as if I lost the connectivity from that of its previous passages. Hence, I re-
read and realized that most parts are pretty individual, as they independently
describe their details accordingly.
Also, those sheer transitions from memory line to present required a few more reads
to grasp them fully. (Perhaps it happened in my case because even though I spent
almost half of my life reading enough books of various genres, your one happened
to be a little exception. Well, I also cannot help but believe there might be more like
me, ha-ha). Lastly, as I came to an end, I wished it had a little more touch of the
present situation attached to the chapter's circumstances, characters, and elements.
Nonetheless, with great excitement, I remark that as I am now a little accustomed to
your writing style, I feel there may not be a need for a mandatory link to each passage.
That just proves that creativity is magically unpredictable!
Overall, your writing is a new taste, considering it is rare to encounter such writings
that allow you to detach from your level of comfort reading. To rate, 4.5/5.
I loved the time spent on this chapter! Truly grateful!
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This review was posted on Jan/12/24
Reviewed by craftopia
CT
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This review was posted on Jan/20/24
Reviewed by aimanmengal3
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This review was posted on Jan/25/24
Reviewed by sababaloch292
SB
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This review was posted on Feb/20/24
Reviewed by jayamalir234
JM
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PG 18) The living is easy-est with stainless steel - Sharon Steel, 1960 - http://tinyurl.com/nbe89t4
PG 18) Hammock by Wade Harris - https://www.wadeharris.com/
PG 18) House of Mystery No. 13 by Esao Andrews - http://tinyurl.com/2b9t7
PG 18) Ghosts by Chet Zar - http://www.chetzar.com/
PG 18) The second day of Genesis by Jacek Yerka - http://www.yerkaland.com/
PG 19) Auschwitz by Anton Semenov - http://tinyurl.com/pxnu378
PG 19) Fishing On 42nd Street by Dennis Jacobsson - http://tinyurl.com/o2pd68z
PG 20) The pleasantries of a full enclosure
PG 21) Former figure by Amos Sewell - http://tinyurl.com/nrwj9rn
PG 21) More Courtesy poster (circa 1930's) - http://ephemeralnewyork.wordpress.com/
PG 21) (a) Elisha Otis at the Crystal Palace in New York, 1853; (b) Otis piston-type hydraulic elevator
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