Chapter 36
The puzzle of perception
John decided we should go into the backyard for a spell, so I sat on the bench while he lay in his synthetic recliner. Gazing about the yard was strange for everything around me was now unrelated to itself, as if every object was meant to be viewed separately.
I looked up at the black painted railing that had been set into the brick steps which led from the kitchen to the backyard. From there I saw, quite naturally, the illusory image of four fish in animated form displaying themselves to me. They then appeared to look like Chinese scissors. The stygian rail painted a silhouette against the house, much to the likes of a nocturnal shadow which had been burned into the air.
This was partially due to the configuration of the wrought iron itself, which in an odd kind of way, seemed to resemble origami that had been abandoned by a child in the flower of her youth, somewhere in the latter half of the eighteenth century.

The bricks going down the steps were distorted in the sense that the top row was very far away, as if seen through the reverse end of binoculars. While the bottom was simply one big fat line that converged to form an elephant’s toe. Clumsy and foolish were these bricks that seemed so content to be immersed in contrived animation.

They would go as far as to puff themselves out in disguise to look like overstated piano keys.
The white picket fence, however, I found to be threatening and could not look at it for fear of something dreadful happening.
Why was this?
It felt like Halloween night with a stalker on the prowl. He had crossed an unseen border that separated science from mythology and was now, somewhere in the vicinity of our neighborhood lurking about. Something got out, I thought. Keep it under control or panic will set in.
I felt like I had developed a keen sense of intuition, and it was now warning me that I was in extreme danger.
For some undefinable reason, I was unable to eradicate this omnipresent feeling of doom that had taken hold of me. I tried to remove it from my conscious mind by playing the ‘psychology game,’ but found even that would not work.
A tiny creature hatched in my brain and took form through a pinhole in my awareness.

I found it very difficult to fathom that something so innocuous as a fence had just manufactured a killer.
Wait, he's in the house!
As I further analyzed the problem, I soon came to realize that my mind had, in fact, turned on me. I was now an unwilling participant in a melodramatic horror movie, and the emotions of terror I was currently experiencing were to such a degree, I felt I may soon be in need of medical assistance.
I knew it was nothing more than a simple case of mind over matter, but I just couldn't arrest it. Most of all, I needed to remain calm and vigilant, if I was going to beat this thing.
I didn't know how the human brain operated, but I should have. It was my only mistake.
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How unnerving was this feeling that someone was behind me, and at any given moment I was going to get japped! Then to my relief, I would spin around to find no one there.
Every time this happened, I anticipated a theater full of people on the edge of their seats!
They were watching me from the big sky screen, so I could only sense their eyes upon me. I tried to act cool, because I knew they were watching and that helped a bit, but when I looked about, it felt as though I were awaiting a massacre.
The last thing I needed, was to come down from this trip in a state of terror.
Then, not only would I have to worry about a flashback for the next seven years, but also, the dreaded fear of it returning if ever I should become paranoid from smoking pot. There was no doubt about it, I had to come down from this high with a yearning to take it again, because the alternative was madness.

I then thought of a movie I saw last year, and decided, since I had an audience to become someone else. Slowly, I began to emulate a man known as Snake Plissken. A man incapable of fear. As I moved around the yard with a renewed sense of confidence, I could feel the tension building. With fists clenched and motor skills like a sensei, I was ready.

There was nothing out there as far as the eye could see, but a schizophrenic emotion run amok.
I was experiencing the fear as though it were relevant, and underneath it all, I was becoming very much concerned.
In my foolish quest to tinker with unbridled power and use it for my own advantage, it seems I have encountered a small glitch.
From out of nowhere a little girl with a very sincere voice spoke aloud in my head.
“It's only a fence” (((and))) “Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?”
She then went on to comfort me with words such as “Think of flowers in a field or water. Water helps.”
So sweet and kind was this child of nature who I remembered from the craquelure painting of my youth. There was an alarm clock on a long table in a room where the child was now standing, nothing else. The clock seemed as though it were trying to go off, but couldn't for it was swelling fast and in an uneven manner. I knew now that the clock was going to explode.

Wanting no harm done to the girl, I took hold of the situation and transported her to a train leaving for an unknown destination. She waved to me with her arm out the window, but was semi obscured by the fog. She spoke only a few words, until I could no longer hear her voice. I was now becoming teary-eyed as I thought of that painting, and all that was lost in the realm of time.
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In my mind, she smiled as a young girl would smile, but I could also see that she really didn't want to go. She had to, for the sake of all things well. The train rolled off into the distance, and all that was left behind were thick layers of a hazy mist.
She was safe, and would live her long-forgotten days in peace.
I then realized to my surprise, I had taken control of the situation. The girl who appeared to me briefly showed me that. “Thank you,” I muttered to the rustling of tree branches, as if speaking through an opening in Heaven's gate. Perhaps, it was to somehow reach the withered old lady, the innocent child became. How grateful was I, to the physiological axioms which define biology.

What it all boils down to is that is we are nothing more than flesh and blood people. Living and toiling because someone wished to create us. I am sure our parents were faced with many options, as were the people of society before us. However, as we came to be, they provided love and care.

I then remembered where I saw that fence.
It was in a low budget horror film I had seen a while back. I tried to remember the name, but it would not come to me.
Ever notice when the lights are adjusted in a certain way and the music starts creeping in, you can almost sense the fear while you are watching? Even if no one is there and nothing will ever happen. In other words, sometimes the anticipation is greater than the outcome. If you can find what's causing the fear, the fear will go away. So long as it's only fear and not two arms reaching out at you.
Of the present time, there was nothing to consume me, and I was once again relieved. The world had relaxed and I slipped out of its grasp to establish myself in obscurity. Where colors are dull grey, and second chances are that perfect shade of blue an artist will never find.
A problem can only be solved by finding its solution, but to lose a child or loved one, the issue may never be resolved and may drive people to commit unspeakable acts. Those internal wounds affect the heart by shocking the subconscious mind into believing that nothing will ever be the same again.

As for me, I no longer wished to be a participant in this life, but merely an observer, for in my heart, I knew I would never be able to find any resolve in that one particular area of my aforementioned past.
I looked down at the weeds in the yard nearby, and it felt like I was in Missouri. Why Missouri, I'll never know, but that's what I felt, so I'm not going to lie to you. Never at any time, did an object materialize in front of me, nor did anyone just magically appear. Only the very aspect of the environment had changed.
I was looking through eyes that weren't my own; I was gaining a different perspective.
All things were relative in the order that they were now being processed.
I knew the consequences of my actions and the results that would follow for any discriminating behavior on my part, whether it be lewd or mischievous, violent or anarchic, or any other form of wrong doing, for that matter. Wherefore, I would expect the same from any individual under the present circumstance. Be aware of your surroundings. Know your enemies. Raise no sword. Observe.
These are the four basic rules of the game. Follow them, and you should traipse through the wonderment unscathed. Caution was the key, and slowly, I got myself out of a very tense and alarming situation.
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Reviews for chapter 36
Ann Schloss - Drugs are so bad
Jane Mercer - As a psychology major, would you mind terribly if I picked your brain? That was a joke, but it sounds like I want to dissect you!
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